Thursday, January 29, 2015.....so....

So one more day. 

I am at the doctor today. Nothing serious but I think I will ask about this cedar fever stuff. Not so hard. 

The thing now is that I just want to do nothing. I try to do things but it seems like I want to do more nothing

That was the other day for me. 

I have been trying to figure out why I have been more inclined to laugh, cry, be emotional about things. If I figure out why I will let you know. 

It is pinewood derby time. If you know me well, that is a big deal to me. My kids are pretty excited also. We are in the process of making three cars for my three youngest kiddos. The oldest is going to help.    My mom did some cutting out for us the other day. There is so much to do. 

Right now I feeł like I could just go and sleep for days. But I was so tired the other day I didn't want to do much of anything.  But life is like that sometimes. 

I have been trying to do some more writing. That can be a lot more taxing than I want it to be. Of course everything can be more taxing than I want it to be. 

Well if you want to come by and have a party feel free. 

Working on the video thing. 

January, 23, 2014....ugh.

I think I got sick the other day. That or I have cedar fever. If you don't know what cedar fever is consider your self lucky. It is allergies to the cedar trees here and to say it nice, it sucks. I think that I had it really bad three or four years ago. I actually had a fever from it. It took me a few days to figure out what it was this time. It is that time of year.  

If you knew me before my stroke I could talk your ear off. Some might say I still will. I don't like to talk much now because I don't like the sound of my own voice is part of the reason. The other thing is it is not easy to talk like before the stroke.  It hurts sometimes when I talk. To a lesser extent I don't talk because I can get overly emotional and I can be worse with some people than others and some situations than others.

For the last while I have been going to a bingo night for people that are considered wounded warriors. It is kind of fun to go. My son has won a couple of times. My stepfather has won. My mom won recently.  I have had the privilege of winning four different times. It is a lot of fun to go and the kids seem to really have a lot of fun. 

I have been thinking that I will put some photos of some of the things that I do during the day, week,  life. This first is me watching my daughters tumbling. I would like to try video but I haven't figured that out yet. 

January, 20 2015.....hmmm

So this is the story. And how I see it is different than some I know.  If you don't like what I say you don't have to read again. 

There is the possibility, that we could all get bitten by a poisonous snake. If myself, or anyone, where to chase after the snake after it had done its biting, the poison that is now in our system would invade the whole body, so there would be poison around the entire system faster than anything.  If we were hiking, I would hope that if someone, heaven forbid, got bitten by a snake, we would have enough scents to not try to go after the snake. 

Maybe you see me as the snake. Maybe you see me as a snakebite victim. However you see things I have no intention of letting poison move into my entire system.

I have very little energy as it is. My kids come to visit, and at the end of there time with me I feel so tired, it can take me a day or two to recover. 

Matt and Mandy is a child's cartoon from a children's church magazine and it would seem to fit here. Mandy is talking to her friend. And the conversation goes like this. 

Friend: Hey Mandy, you won't believe what Amber did!

Mandy: Is it something nice, tell me about it. 

Friend:  Nice?  No way, it got here grounded forever.  She....

Mandy:  Don't tell me!

Friend:  Why not?

Mandy:  I am trying to stop gossiping and I don't want to hear it. 

Friend:  It isn't gossip. It's the truth!

Mandy:  Unless we're going to help Amber, we're just being entertained by her problems. It is gossip, and it's unkind. 

Friend:  Well...

Mandy:  Are you sure it's the whole truth?  What about Ambers side of the story?

              Besides, I mess up sometimes, and I don't want every body talking about it. 

Friend:  Same here.  So let's stop gossiping and go play with Amber. 

End

So the point I am trying to make with that is if you have any questions of me,  just ask. I don't bite.

I have decided to start showering at night. I prefer showers in the morning, but they can really help me to unwind and reflect on the day. I like showers in the morning for a lot of reasons but I seem to sleep better if I shower at night.

I want to write more but I am very tired today. 

  

January 12, 2015....one day more

One more day.

It has been very busy the past week. I still have lots that I need to get done. It is hard to decided what is the most important to take care of first because everything seems to be so important. So where do I begin.  I guess I am writing my blog so smile. 

I am at a very strange crossroad right and I am not sure what to do. I know that I am kind of cryptic but that is how I can be. 

It is pinewood derby time for my sons Cub Scouts. I used to be able to help very well with the cars. I am not sure I can do as much now. I guess this will be the year that I let him do most of it himself. I would love to cut out the car but I would probably cut off one of my fingers with the saw. I am kind of fond of my fingers. I will see if my oldest son can help. I will have to have them help me get our pinewood derby tools.

I have some books that I want to get read but I have so many other things that need to be finished that I don't know exactly when to start them. I have paperwork that I need to take places. Just more than I would like. But I will let everyone know how things go. 

January 7, 2014.....happy birthday to me. Isn't life fun?

Happy birthday to me. 

So, what do I say?

It has been a rainy week. With the rain comes the cold also. Lots of people might laugh at what I think cold is now. I get feeling so out of energy lately. My kids can take a lot out of me but they sure are fun. 

I think I strained my arm more than I realized the other day because it can really hurt in many occasions. 

It is starting  get annoying at how difficult it can be to change names on a few accounts, one specifically. It is a very good company but this is taking forever. I have not wanted to complain about anything so bad in a long time. For those people that knew me shortly before my stroke I was better at complaining about things in life than anyone should be. I was really good at complaining and getting my own way. I was a jerk. I guess I was such a jerk that I had a stroke as a way to get people to feel sorry for me. I don't recommend having a stroke, but have fun if you feel you must. 

There are basically a few, four maybe five things that need to be finished. But things are taking forever. 

Right now while I am writing I am sitting in the dark. Not really bad. I sit in the dark a lot, not because I am overly found of the dark but because it is less stress on my eyes. It has been almost to bright for my eyes lately. I just want to sit back and close my eyes these days. That can be a challenge because if I close my eyes want to fall asleep. If I wake up from a nap that can be really painful and hard to move. Isn't life fun.