So life is very confusing right now. I have been taking some supplements and I didn't know they were working until I ran out of them. I was about to bawl the other night. Some things seem to not have a noticeable effect until I quit taking them. I have noticed that other people have a similar reaction to medications. I am not a big supporter of excessive use of medicine or supplements but I really try to only use what seems to work for me. In many ways if it were not for my wife I would never know how effective some things are. I am so grateful for her finding what she did for me.
This last weekend we got to see my brother and wife and there beautiful new baby girl. She is amazing. It was so nice to see everyone. There was only one of my brothers that was not there but that is how life works. I got to see a cousin that I haven't seen for a while. It is funny I think to see him with his wife and 2 1/2 kids. I guess that means I am getting old.
Just so everyone knows I don't recommend having a stroke. It is not as fun as it might look. It can really cause you to do things that you would never want to do before. I keep myself quite most of the time now. Not because I want to be quite about things because I really don't want to but I have a point of no return that is to easy to get to and practically impossible to avoid. I would never recommend that anyone hold their emotions in because that can be very unhealthy. I hate how life is for me now it can be almost impossible for me to cry or it can be to easy. When I saw my brothers and sisters yesterday it was to easy for me to cry. I hate it. It makes it really hard to talk to people. I have tried to talk with many people and being what is considered appropriate is beyond me. I do not know why. I become overly emotional. I really don't want anyone to have to experience my ugly side. I am very sorry for those people that have.
Once upon a time I was an interrogator for the military. It sounds more cool than it actually was. It wasn't miserable but the military makes everything unfun. It helped me to think through things in a more logical way. I was able to use those skills to help other people from time to time. It is not that I don't want to help myself or others. Helping someone to think unemotionally is draining emotionally, that I really can't do it anymore. I try to help myself some but I get so tired and overwhelmed that I don't know what to do.
There are things I could do but I really hate the emotional crap that gets stirred up. There was a time when I used to think "what a crock". I guess I know different now.
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