Tuesday, 23 June 2015....wow.

This has been an exhausting series of days. I get so tired, by the time I get myself dressed that I really don't want to do anything else. I do, but I really don't want to. It seems like I go about doing things I have almost no energy to do. I really think that life sucks somedays. Not that my life is bad by any means. I have a very good life in many ways. Who wouldn't want to be able to sit around and watch TV most of the days. That looses its appeal after one day. It is to easy to get sucked into the idea that you have to watch something. TV is nice but has to much crap. 

I am at Cub Scout day camp with my sons.  It is very interesting to do so many different things with them. At times I think some people treat it to much like junior military. Go figure since we live in San Antonio. I saw people working on Woodbadge, a Boy Scout adult leaders course. I did it before my stroke. I made lots of great friends. But it is my time to spend with my kids now. I enjoy scouts with them.  I think that I need to write a letter about how some things at this place are not the most handicap friendly. In name and functionality are two very different things. 

My life can really be a pain. Trying to go places in my chair can be a painfully slow process at times. I am willing to try almost anything once. If it works  I might try it again. 

Monday 15 June 2015......hmmm.

I have got to stop thinking because I get myself into all kinds of trouble when I think to much. 

I went to the store the other day because I needed a blender. Easy. I thought it would be to. I went across the street easy enough. I got a blender and a popcorn popper. The popper was easy enough to hang on the hook I have on the beck of my chair. The blender box didn't fit in a bag at the store. The were nice enough to put some disposable handles the have on it and away I went.  I had to go down hill for a short distance and I thought I might tip forward. I don't think I have ever gone so slow in my chair on purpose. Falling out of my chair is not as fun as you might think. I did make it back to my apartment and will be very glad when my wife finishes her business and gets here. 

I can't tell you enough about her. She is amazing. She has had to be super hard working mama. She works for an oil field company and is a wizard at all kinds of math. When we were in high school she did a lot of dance. She doesn't do quite as much now but she has three boys and she has been the sole breadwinner for a long time now. She may think she isn't perfect and amazing but she is. All I can say is that her being my wife makes me the luckiest man alive. It my sound cliche, it's all true. 

Friday 12 June 2015......just thinking. Yea I gotta stop.

I have been reflecting. I had a stroke on the left side of my brian. That is the side of your brain that is which deals with more logic and reason. The right side of the brain is more used for emotions. Now I can be very logical. In fact I could most likely run logic circles around many people. The thing is the right side of my brian is fine. It is the more emotional side. The right side of my brain probably overwhelms the left side and it is very easy for me to get emotional. I can get so emotional that I hate what I can do sometimes. It's like I know very well what is proper but the emotional part of my brain takes control of the situation. I can be very calm and logical but that means I have to remain very stone faced most of the time. So there are times that I am very expressionless. That doesn't mean that I am not having fun. 

I can cry uncontrollably. I can laugh uncontrollably. My emotions are a mess. 

There are days when it really sucks to be me. 

I have thought that if I had had my stroke to much earlier in the over all time line I probably would not have survived. I'm not sure exactly what the time frame would be. I am pretty sure there would have been a time that in the early stages of my stroke that I would be left for dead. Not that I want to be dead but that's a different story. 

Thursday 4 june 2015.

So many things. 

I got to see my newest niece. She I so cute. My brother and his wife really mixed them well. 

I went to my nephews graduation. That was fun. But like so many other people might say I can't believe I'm that old. I learned something after the graduation about my self. Eating ice cream before bed is a bad idea for me. I had a milkshake earlier and that was not bad but I think that because the ice cream is more consternated I can really mess up my personal heat regulating system. I ate the ice cream and within a few minutes I felt like I was freezing. I wrapped up in blankets and I even asked my sister to get another one for me. We went to bed but I spent a long time not sleeping. I woke up my sister and ask her to feel how cold I was. The thing was she felt much cooler than I thought I was. I had somehow overheated my self and Who knows. 

I think that there is something different about how my heating/cooling system works now. I have had similar things happen in the past. It may not be the only possible explanation but all the pieces seem to add up. 

I got to see lots of family members that I haven't got to see for a while. It was very nice to see them. 

For those of you that need me to remind you, I'm married. She is amazing. I don't know how I became so lucky. We just got a new vehicle. A Mercedes-Bins Sprinter. It is a big van. Between the two of us we have 7 kids. With her and I that makes 9. This is the only vehicle that can hold more than 7 people and be at least half way cool and comfortable. Yes believe it or not. A person that is 41 can still worry about being cool. But since I am in a wheelchair I am not easily forgettable. There is a lady that lives near my wife that also works at the airport there. She went to my wife because they saw my name on the roster for people flying in and they new my wife has ramps that would make loading or unloading my chair easier. I love smaller towns. If it wasn't for my kids and the fact the VA is far away and limited I would move in a second. 

So many things have gone on the past month it is really hard for me to even tell you about some of them.