So, my biggest pet peeve right now is this. Children are NOT kids. Kids are juvenile goats. How children ever stated being called kids is beyond me.
I am sure that it was some stupid American invention.
If you want to call your children goats that’s your business. Please refer to my children as children. They are all very energetic, but they are NOT goats.
Once again: humans, children. Goats, kids. That is all.
11 April 2017
I have felt crumby. Maybe I was lazy. Maybe I'm just easily distracted. It's quite a life.
I spent a lot of time on the phone yesterday. I had to call the post office 23 times before I spoke with someone. Not my idea of a good time.
Still I wonder if I'm the only person in the world that has to break things down to the smallest that it will go. The lest common denominator, as I call it. I have noticed that there are people that say they don't like something. Then, they do the same thing themselves. Very frustrating and confusing.
Sometimes I just want to leave the world behind. I could. Why don't I? I need my children. I hope they need me.
I have been laying around and feeling so worthless. I so badly want to do something. I have no strength. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
16 April 2017
I have been so consistently tired. Even more than normal. I sleep great. I am eating. It's truly baffling. I mean being tired is a state of being for me. Still this seems different. I might need to go to the doctor and let them tell me there is nothing wrong. Weird.
Yesterday I just sat at home and did nothing. Normally I'm at home anyway, but I'm doing something. Yesterday I didn't want to do anything.
I hate the way I am still so tired at the end of the days I do nothing. There are days I will still push myself to keep going. I've had to accept the fact I can only do so much. I'm not Superman anymore. Everything around me is some form of kryptonite. There were days before my stroke that others said they got tired watching me because I would move so fast at times.
For good or bad I will still push myself at times. I have learned that I may be recovering for two days maybe a week after. I hate it but it is part of my life.
I went and did everything that I need for a passport. Now wait. Five weeks they said. Ug. That's life.
After my passport, I need my visa. But I don't want to get to far a head of myself.
Lately I have been feeling all the muscles in my body. I hope that means I'm getting tough. In many ways it just makes me tired.
9 May 2017
So one guess.
Yesterday I spent most of the morning getting ready for my sons birthday.
The afternoon I just rested. At night we Went to dinner.
16 May 2017
So,
Yesterday I went to the store to get some things I needed.
After I arrived at home I was tired beyond belief. That happens.
I ate a whole bag of chips by myself. Tostitos Limon. Very yummy.
I spent a lot of time recovering and watching TV.
I'm learning to write code for iPads. I am enjoying it. I don't know why I didn't start doing it in my previous life, when I was younger. In many ways it has the things I most need and want. I spent some time studying it some more.
I don't know about my life some days. In many ways I feel like my life, because of my stroke, is to serve as a warning to others. I can do a lot more than most people think. Still there are many things I cannot do myself. It drives me nuts, and probably always will. Some people think they have to do everything for me. Then if I let them know I want to do something myself, the person withdraws and doesn't offer any service to me. Drives me nuts.
Can I please have my body back to how it was before my stroke?
19 May 2017
So I am sore everyday. I'm tired in some form everyday. I want to do countless things. There is no way I could do most of them.
For most everything, besides using the toilet and showering, I need help in some form. I can do a heck of a lot more than most people think. That said there are things that I have to look for something that can make life easier for me. New shoes. Traveling companion. Someone who can drive me.
We watched a play my son helped with last nigh. Very fun.
Then we went to eat. Very fun.
I was so tired at the end of the day.
20 May 2017
Church had a talent show last night. My son played his drums. He was awesome. I don't say that just because I’m his dad. He is good. 12 years old and amazing. He wants to do everything. Like I used to be. I hope I'm not that way still.
21 May 2017
My children are so energetic. I wish I could keep up with them. Some days it's easy. Other days it's hard. Yesterday was a little harder. It was still a lot of fun.
One son had an activity for school. Everyone else went to this breakfast that is for Wounded Warriors and there families. My children love it. I like it to.
The children played for a while. It looked like it might rain, so we left a little earlier than other days.
My son was worried about his bank account, so we checked on that.
When we got home I actually took a nap. I hate naps. I guess I needed it.
We had diner with my neighbor.
We watched the movie "Trolls" because my daughter wanted to. It was really good.
I almost forgot that some people needed shoes because the shoes they have are broken. Last thing of the day we went to the store to get some shoes. I'm not sure I liked that overall because shoes seem to be so expensive. Still it was something we needed.
Even though I hate naps, I might need to see how I can make them work for me.
25 May 2017
I've had so many ups and downs the past few days it makes me wonder. How I feel from day to day is a mystery. Part of me just wants to rest and sleep all the time. I know that would not be good. I get so tired and I don't want to do anything for a day or two after Most times. I don't know the best answer. I like to think I always have the perfect answer even though I know I don't.
I went to the gym yesterday. It is starting to have the visible effects I would like. It's only taken a year and a half.
When I'm at home I only want to watch TV. Well that's not all I want to do. That's the only thing I have strength to do most days. I want to read but books are hard for me to manage and I end up wanting to fall asleep. Very not cool in many ways. Audio books put me to sleep. I don't know what to do.
In many ways I feel like a "barracks rat". Never going out unless I absolutely must. Sure I know have had and have my own problems. Still we all feel certain ways at times.
I hate it when people say I should not feel a certain way. We are all entitled to feel what ever we feel. Granted at times reality does not really fit with what we think we see. At times we can be our own worst enemy. At times we need help to see reality. That doesn't mean we are not entitled to our own thoughts, however much the thoughts don't mesh with reality.
My son had his band concert yesterday. He sure loves it. He's awesome to. Just don't tell him I don't want it to go to his head.
I spent a lot of time on the phone. That is what you do when people are far away.
26 May 2017
There are things I can do. There are things I can't do.
28 May 2017
Yesterday was interesting. I felt great in the morning much more tired in the afternoon.
Went to breakfast in the morning. Had my nails done. Went home after. I was so tired after that. At times I still think I should have more strength than I have. It's hard to know how the day will go.
Right now my back is tired I can feel each muscle.
What a life.
17 August 2018
So I have been going to the nail Solon to have them do my nails for a little over two years now. I decided because it is not good if I cut my own nails. The last time I tried to cut my own nails, I cut one nail to short. That really hurts. So I decided there are people that I can pay to cut my nails. So I go and have them do my hands twice a month and my toes every three or four months. It works great for me.
The first time I went, they thought I wanted clear nail polish. I said I wanted blue. They almost died laughing.
It has been a learning process.
I get color changing polish. It’s heat sensitive. I have bad circulation in my left arm so I will have one hand one color and the other different. It helps remind me I need to keep my hands warm.
I can be very rough on my nails. I have no idea how.
It happens.
The polish adds a lot of strength to my finger nails. Some of my nails are so thin if they are polished, thinned, they cause me pain.
I will admit that there can be some language barrier because most of people speak Vietnamese. They understand English better than they can speak it. It can be very frustrating.
22 August 2018
I am so lacking energy. Today I got up earlier than normal so it was no wonder my energy was lacking. Some days all I want to do is watch TV and sleep.
26 August 2018
First, I am very upset about some people talking down to one of my friends who comments on my Facebook posts regularly. I feel that some of his comments are as wrong as the day is long. He probably feels the same about things I share and other comments I make. Regardless, he is in many ways a brilliant man. Full of knowledge that any of us, as humans, would be lucky to have.
Because I have had so many people commenting in a way that seems less than courteous, I have made a choice that I will not be posting nearly as much. I will write blog posts and a few other things.
I very much want to be a part of things I see on Facebook. That said I am very tired of what I see as mud slinging. If I have been a part of that, I am sorry and sincerely ask your forgiveness.
That said, I want to make it clear, many people think they are smart and thus right. Most of the time I know I’m right. Most of the time. I am not always right and I will gladly let you know if I’m not. I’m not saying that I am the smartest person I know, but I am one of them.
I am sure some people think that they are smarter than me. You might be right. Do I care. No, not really. You might be a technical expert at something. I have my areas of expertise. Still, I’ve had psychological tests, had doctors, lawyers, and many others tell me they think I’m so smart. I really don’t care. I ask most people not to tell me, I don’t want it to go to my head.
I want people to know how much I care. I care very deeply. To deeply sometimes. But the fact that I care so much about things is usually lost.
So, what will I do now if I’m not posting on Facebook? Probably read and spend more time outside. We will see.
27 August 2017
So much to do.
One thing about what I wrote yesterday. A line from a musical I like. “Nice is different from good.”
Lots to do.
2 March
I am feeling kind of beat down. In some ways I can't believe how physically stiff I am. When I went to the gym yesterday, I could hardly believe how my body had so much tension.
I want the whole world to think that I don't have a care in the world. Still, I get stressed at times. I say it like this. I'll tell you where to go, when to go, and buy your ticket for you. I don't do that nearly as much as I used to. In fact I try not to, but I wouldn't put it past me.
4 March
I hope I am just tired because I went out with my children last night. Being tired is just part of my life, but even I am beginning to wonder. I am really tired of how this works for me.
I went to dinner with family last night. I was so happy my son tried something new and loved it. Fajitas. It is so difficult to break them out of the idea that they can only eat chicken nuggets. I wish I understood better. I don't.
We were driving and my oldest son was commenting on all the different cars. He even commented on some and said he liked them that he didn't like before.
I hate the fact that I need help with so many things that seem so simple. This paper I need is in a box in my bedroom. I can't get to in because there are some pictures or the floor. I can't move them myself, so I have to wait until other people to wake up and can help me move things and get closer.
If you want to know, it is 6:45 on a Saturday morning. I don't always get up so early. Just most of the time.
6 March
It can be so tiring with my children. They are so energetic. But at the same time they are so fun. My daughter wanted to show me how she could dribble the basketball. For a 7-year-old she is becoming very good.
All of my children are so different, but they all want to do so much. There is such an age range, 14-7, it is hard to have things work out sometimes.
My 12-year-old is becoming quite a good cook. He got a cookbook for Christmas and he has made some things from it. Very yummy stuff.
My oldest is becoming a master of Lego's. He built stuff yesterday without any plans. Not huge but very detailed. I'm not sure he realizes how good he is becoming.
My other son. He can be so hard to describe. You might think he is only interested in his tablet. But if you take the tablet away he is the most funny, most clever, will catch you if you say something wrong. He is so smart. I always remember his teacher wanted to test him when he was in first grade. They did. When they got to 7th grade level, he just walked away. Still, he is a child. Definitely not a potato.
21 March
I have felt so broken and tired. I haven't been able to sleep. May body has been weaker than usual. I don't get it. I talk to doctors and nothing they can not find anything. Maybe I had a stroke and no one told me. I hate it when that happens.
I have been sitting in front of the mirror in my bathroom. I have been so tired. I even took a nap the other day. I think naps are a very good idea for everyone but me. After I wake up from a nap it is so difficult for me to move. That is one of the main reasons I park my chair in the bathroom and fall asleep there.
In someways people might say I am the king of double standards. In some ways that's true. The simple expansion is "I had a stroke". I know some my see that as an excuse. We all have excuses for things. We all have butt holes to and they all stink. If yours smells like roses, I will write you a public apology if you like.
Back to the point. I really try to have reasons, not excuses, for everything in my life. I hate double standards. In everyday life I want to be held to the same standards as everyone else. Then when it happens sometimes I hate it. For example, I hate waiting in lines. Some places allow me to go to the front because I'm in a wheelchair. Other places don't allow me to go to the front of a line. Some people think I need special treatment because I am in a wheelchair. In someways I do. Generally, getting something that is high, not wiping my butt.
I am so different I confuse myself and everyone else.
I hate it when some people want to do everything for me. There are things I can do and things I can't do. Some things I can do but are so hard for me that I ask for, or let others help. If you have known me at some point in time that is. My cultural backgrounds are very self reliant. In fact, to ask for help can be seen as weakness. I have had to, and am still getting over that mentality. No matter how much wishful thinking we may have, at times we can't do something. No matter how hard we try. And if we persist in trying we might make things worse.
22 March
Yesterday was different. I felt great in the morning but got a lot more tired as the day went along. I still felt better than I have. My energy was gone fast, and for a while, in the afternoon was nonexistent.
Maybe it is because I talk. When I talk more I get really tired. I have no idea what to expect right now. And how I my feel.
I do some simple exercise while I watch TV right now. It feels like it is working. Maybe some day I will be Adonis in a wheelchair.
5 August 2018
So, I had the chance to be in Utah the past few days. I love Utah but it is only worth visiting. I love many of the people in Utah, but in some ways you need to be out of your mind to live there. My biggest complaint is it is so cold part of the year.
That aside, I find it ridiculous that people live in such large numbers on the Wasatch front. More people live there than could ever be logical. Granted, it has some things you cannot find anywhere else in the state. Even though some of the choices are nice, personally I would never live in the Wasatch front on purpose. To many people in one area. And this coming from a person that lives in a city of 6 million. More than live in the entire state of Utah.
There are places the cellphone service is spotty at best. Still I would gladly live there before I would live on the Wasatch Front.
I lived in Provo in Utah Valley on the Wasatch Front, for a time. One of the most insane things I have ever done in my life. There are better ways to punish yourself. When I lived there you could still tell where some towns ended. Now you would be hard pressed to know anything like that. There are city boundaries but everything has grown together so much.
7 August 2018
My vacation is going well we might need to re-evaluate our plan. We are all so tired. No one wants to get up in the morning. We are tired. Vacations are tiring yes. We are almost broken. Even some things that normally sound fun sound like a chore right now.
Still we went to a water park yesterday with my family. Way fun. It really wore us out. Fun but tiring. Still it’s not as hot as Texas. When it gets between 105 to 110 F everyday then you can tell me about hot.
I like some parts of Utah. Not really the Wasatch Front. I am starting to have the same feeling as I already have about Houston, Texas. If you live there at some point in time you lost a bet.
There is no one that can convince me we live in an overcrowded planet. It’s just that to many people have decided they “need” to live in the same basic space. We as humans are an ignorant species. As individuals we are smart. Put us together in groups of three or more, we are sure to find the most difficult ways to do things.
8 August 2018
Travel makes a person very tired
