4 June 2017
My children and I are celebrating the end of the school year.
We went to the zoo yesterday with grandma and grandpa. Grandpa didn't do well in the heat. It was hot. Long story short he had to ride in the ambulance to the hospital. He was not doing well. I've never seen him act so old before.
We got an annual pass. We will go back.
We left and the children still wanted to go swimming, so we did. They are so funny watching what they do when they swim.
My neighbor helped with dinner because grandpa was so sick. So nice of her. She's an angel. My daughter loves playing with her children, especially her daughter.
Yesterday ended up being nothing as planned. Still it had its good moments. It had moments I just wanted to bawl over. It helped me to see how little emotional control I really have and how it needs to be kept it check.
9 June 2017
So I've been and am sick. Not fun. It appears that toast is the only thing that doesn't make me want to throw up. So that's what I'll be eating the next few days.
My nose is runny. I'm not as stiff and sore as yesterday.
My mind is weighed down by many concerns. That is not normal for me, but everything I becoming heavy right now.
10 June 2017
So I have been sick. Not fun. Eating toast and applesauce. The toast seems to be the best at not making me feel yucky. Water works at not making me feel yucky. In some ways I just don't know.
One thing I hate, and will always hate, is the fact that there are many aspects of my life that are not "Normal". They never will be. For me they are normal. For everyone else it's very different.
Yesterday was simple. Eat bread watch TV. Eat more bread. Watch more TV. Think about how depraved the world is becoming. Eat more bread. Watch more TV. Finally go to bed. Not a typical day. I've been sick.
13 June 2017
So life ,for me, is so complicated that it is truly impossible for me to explain. I know that sounds like I think to much of myself. I am such an outlier that it is truly hard to explain someone like me.
Yesterday I did nothing of any real consequence. I was more tired than I realized to begin with. I was watching TV some. What a day.
14 June 2017
Happy flag day.
I am so tired recently I just don't know why. I want to just sit during the day.
I got my mail yesterday and just doing that made me so tired.
I've learned that most people really don't understand how tired I am or can become. The simple fact that I had a stroke I think should be explanation enough for people. It's not. One person had surgery and it wiped him out. Still, his problem was mainly muscular. My problem is neurological. I can walk on the treadmill for maybe 10 minutes and 1/4 mile if I'm lucky. I used to be able to run for 5 miles without stopping.
Things are so different for me what I have written can't begin to explain the difference.
That being said, I can do a lot, especially for someone who has had the kind of stroke I have had. I am extremely blessed and grateful.
The Lord has watched out for me when I wasn't watching out for myself. He will tell us what we should do, but he won't tell us why. He knows how things will turn out depending on what we choose. He doesn't stop us from making foolish decisions. He doesn't jump in in the middle of things and force us to change our mind about something. Despite our efforts to do lots of things that are less than wise, he allows us to do what we want.
I wish I could go back in time to change my mistakes. That is not how life works. We have to learn, if we will, and move on.
I like to think I'm smarter than average. Maybe I am. Still I am prone to mistakes like anyone. We all have our own mistakes. It doesn't mean we are always wrong.
16 June 2017
Yesterday I just sat and did nothing. I have felt the need to recover and rest. From what? I don't know. The simple and sarcastic answer is I had a stroke. I will let you know if I recover.
I want to let the world know how wonderful I am. The problem is I'm just a human. I'm no more wonderful than anyone else. There are people that do extraordinary things. I don't fit in that category.
I've been watching a lot if TV lately. Netflix is fun. I have been watching a show called TURN: Washington’s spies. Very interesting take one the American Revolution, looking at it from the point of view of people who may have been spies and intelligence gatherer’s. I would say it is a more unvarnished look at the Revolution. In general most Americans romanticize it a lot. It was a war. People died. In some ways it was like a civil war. Family against family. Part for one side, part for the other. The American side was in many ways treating it like a guerrilla war. Ignoring the conventions of traditional warfare in many ways. Still, I glad it turned out the way it did. And I someways it's a good show.
17 June 2017
So, I have been putting forth extra effort not to get upset at “stuff”. In some ways that is not easy. People my think they are right. I know I'm right many times. I've decided it's easier to let someone think they are right. If it is not a big deal, and won't effect if the sun rises or sets, life goes on.
Yesterday I went to the gym. In many ways I can't believe how little strength I have.
After I came home I decided to sit because I was so tired.
I sorted my clothes that had been washed. Rested again.
Took a phone call. Rested again.
I alway have something to do. But more often than not I get so tired I can't do a thing. In some ways I even get to tired to watch TV. Yesterday was one of those days.
18 June 2017
Happy Father's Day.
My children got me stuff so we can make homemade ice cream. So we might be having ice cream for breakfast.
We went to the water park yesterday. Very hot but very fun we will just need to take my electric wheelchair and not my manuel chair. And swim shoes because the ground I so hot. The children had lots of fun though.
19 June 2017
I get tired with my children. They are so energetic. Just watching them can make me tired.
My one son loves cooking. He made cinnamon rolls and ice cream. It was good.
We watched a show about animals yesterday after church. I like that they like shows like that. They get so wrapped up in it. Some things are “so cute”. Then they hate how some things get eaten. That's life. They're learning.
24 June 2017
I have been so up and down in the way I feel lately. I hate it, but that is how life goes.
I ended up doing so many things I had to yesterday to make sure my son was ready for scout camp.
I am very grateful that people were willing to help. It was still crazy.
I have really found out the fact that I had a stroke has made me so very different than most other people. In many ways I'm just like other people. In many ways, for better or worse, I'm like other men. I still avoid sports. I get to caught up in the competition. But like most people I like to eat and I can probably eat most people under the table. Most of the time, I don't feel full or hungry. Eating has become an academic process. If I eat to much I will be in pain because my stomach expands so much. I still don't feel full it is just physical discomfort.
If my blood sugar is low I can usually tell because my behavior becomes eradicate. It is hard for me to recognize at times, but I usually have to eat something.
In many ways I am an outlier. At another time I would be dead. If I lived in some places I still might be. Our culture has a very weird concept of the value of life. That's all I will say right now.
It is getting hot this year. I guess I shouldn't worry. It will get hotter.
26 June 2017
My son is off to his first camp. I hope he has fun.
28 June 2017
I feel great in the morning and by lunch I'm feeling broken and tired. I have not wanted to do anything during most of the day. I went to the apartment office yesterday and I was so tired coming home I almost crashed. I'm tired I just don't know
