25 November 2018.........so

25 November 2018

I am overwhelmed by the support people have shown me recently. It is very humbling. I have not felt the best recently so that has increased me feeling like an emotional basket case recently. 

I have two things that make me feel like I should not need the support I receive at times. One, I was in the Army. They teach teamwork to get the mission done, but each individual is fiercely independent. Second, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, while we in the church teach helping others, we also teach self reliance. So in two ways, I am not sure how to respond to help at times. Because I’m in a wheelchair everyone I see wants to help me in some way. I very much appreciate the help I receive for so many things. At the same time I hardly ever want to ask, even it is for something I know I can’t do by myself. 

I have had a pretty good week overall. One of the best things I and my parents discovered that you can buy a turkey dinner at Denny’s. That helped us a lot. My mom picked everything up at the store and brought it back. I ate to much potatoes and gravy and stuffing. But it was sure good. 

What a week has happened. I glad life moves on. 

23 November 2018

As many people my know, I had an experience that I never want to repeat. This man I used to know, Adam Hart, decided to say some truly horrible things about me. Personally, I’m fine physically. But the attack was so brutal and one sided, I am in a bit of shock still. 

Lots of people have come to my defense, and for that I thank you. 

I will say this he is a restaurant manager, and I think the owners of the restaurant need to know what kind of man they have working for them. 

I’m done

15 November 2018......NO

15 November 2018

So I had to to the most difficult and disgusting things by myself this morning. I has to provide a stool sample for the lab at the hospital. Not my idea of a good time. 

I was able to use most of the items that they provided me fine. Still I will take a shower and make sure I am clean. In some ways it would not be the worst if I could move faster. Unfortunately I am stuck in the slowest gear. No one smells good when they have just taken a crap. Then I have to put some in a small jar to send to the lab. Ugh. 

So I am not sure what to think about lots of things. But I have decided that I like Milo Yiannopoulos. Some things I vehemently disagree with. Other things he says make a lot of sense. 

12 November 2018......blah I’m hungry.

9 November 2018

My opinion. Blame me. 

I hate it when people want me to make up their mind for them. I hate hearing that other people are wanting someone else to make up their mind. Shit or get off the pot. 

There have been times I have not wanted to make up my mind. That doesn’t mean that eventually I don’t have to make up my mind. It is the most frustrating thing to know what you want and some people still act like you need  to make the final decision, but the decision you make is never what they want. 

10 November 2018

I have come to the decision that I will not provide my children smart phones until they graduate from high school. Simple phone that sends text and makes calls. Maybe takes photos. Think Gibbs on NCIS. Maybe jitterbug. 

I don’t feel bad one bit downgrading the types of phones my children have. That is what they will get from me. There mom can do what she wants. 

In this day and age having a phone of some kind is essential. That doesn’t mean it has to be the newest smartphone. 

I don’t feel bad about this at all. 

Now something different. 

My body is driving me nuts. Not because I am not of the Greek god form yet. No matter how I eat I never know if I am going to be hungry or not. I never know if I will be full or not. My stomach grumbles but then I feel full. It is so confusing to me. 

I was really turning into a fat boy when i was in Brazil. Now Just don’t know. Maybe i will just have to notice when it feels like my blood sugar is getting low and eat then. 

If I wasn’t confused enough about how my body works.

12 November 2018

So, I have been thinking. I know I have to stop, I just can’t stop and I don’t know why. 

Socialism, Democratic Socialism, Republic, all terms that get very confusing. 

Socialism. Personally I think a very bad idea. One person or small group says how everything is divided. 

Democratic Socialism. Basically the same as socialism. But it’s Democratic right. Think commune, everything gets voted on by everyone. In some ways a nice idea in principle. Half a shuffle step away from libertarianism. But way distant at the same time.

Republic. Laws rule. They are more important than any one person. If only we could have representatives that didn’t make hair brain laws. 

8 November 2018......I wonder.

6 November 2018

Very happy I got to vote. Very awesome. 

I don’t vote straight ticket. That is silly. My congressman is a Democrat. He has helped me a lot. I don’t have a problem with any party. But I will admit, they are all pretty stupid. I say vote person not party. 

Voting is a privilege. 

Now privilege. 

It does exist. It takes many different forms.

White privilege. Sure it exists. Black privilege. It’s also a thing. Spanish language privilege.   Everyone has their own type of privilege. Me I have a very exclusive kind of privilege. Wheelchair privilege. It has its advantages, but overall I would not recommend it. It’s not as fun as I make it look. Every single culture has some of its own unique privilege. 

8 November 2018

Numbers don’t lie. I hate how numbers don’t favor me at times. It is the worst. It can take me days to calm down enough to accept the facts that numbers present. Numbers and video. Video can be manipulated at great cost. Numbers are not as easy. 

6 November 2018......meh...August -September 2017

3 August 

I think I’m recovering from some kind of virus. The doctors office called and it sounds like people that work there are having issues similar to mine. It's just going around. 

We had a pool party last night. It was fun. Not to hot and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves 

7 August 

I'm so glad global warming is at work. 40% chance of perception and high of 93 degrees Feirenheight (34 Celsius) , life is almost unbearable. 😜

14 August. 

We decided that splash town, the water park, was the answer for today. 

The past few days, I have felt so crumby that I didn't want to do anything. I always want to do a lot, then I remember,”oh yeah. I had a stroke.” You might say how can you forget something like that? Trust me you can. I had almost 40 years as a person with nothing like a stroke. And just over four years since the stroke. Lots of dissonance. 

16 June 

So I have decided that I need to set up a rotation system so I write for each of my blogs like I want. 

In other news I think I am feeling better last night I felt horrible and just wanted to sleep. But what else is new. 

28 August 

My blog will now focus mostly on what I can do. I will still talk about what I can't do but it is time for me to be more positive. There are lots o…

31 August 

I've had two appointments already this week not my idea of a good time. Just going makes me tired. 

I need to get ready for the day. I don't want to, but I need to. 

9 September 

I have been trying to mend my shoulder it's not felt well for a long time and the fact that I have not used it much has made it worse. I need to use my right hand more. It seems to be loosing some of its ability. I'm not ok with that. It will never have the ability it had before my stroke. I still need it to be useful to me and at times it's not useful. Very frustrating. 

I was told I would get a new electric wheelchair in 6-8 weeks. Before the end of October. I am very excited. As excited as I am, it's coming through the VA. I've learned not to get your hopes up when the VA is involved. They offer great service, if you don't die before they get to you. I really have nothing nice I can say about the VA so in this case I won't say anything. Philosophy of the movie “Bambi”. It works. 

Truly, I have come to realize the incredible power of not talking and listening more. It is amazing how well they work together. In someways I am learning again. That is how life works. 

I need to find my toolbox. 

11 September 

Today I had multiple crazy experiences. 

I took my son to the ER. Not fun but he's ok. 

I rode in my chair to the Grocery store, HEB. After I got there my chair almost ran out of charge. I had a couple of people help me find a place to plug in. I was so very happy that I wanted to cry. 

Not the biggest deal in the whole world. It still meant a lot to me. 

There are countless things that people don't have to do. They do them anyway. So many people help us live better in so many different ways. 

I wish that we could all get a clue. 

12 September 

I am so tired of going places. I want to just sit and do nothing for one day or a part of one day. It's hard for me to imagine and comprehend how difficult life can be. At the same time life is very easy if we let it be. 

Logic and love. 

In someways contrary. But they must work together. Hard at times, but not impossible. 

19 September 

I have been recovering from something. I have been tired and that is my normal state of being, but this is different. 

27 September 

I have felt so crumby recently. One thing after another. I'm feeling better in some ways but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up to much. 

28 September 

Yesterday was busy. Gym first. VA next. I didn't know I could be so busy still. 

At the gym it seems like my body is getting back into better working  order. 

The VA seems to have on thing after another. My wheelchair seems to be constantly broken in some form or another. My body goes without saying, is mess in some fashion. 

Hmm. 

What a life

4 November 2018......Daylight savings is a scam

I hate daylight savings. Thank goodness it is over.