10 September 2019......why me?why not me?

7 September 2019

I am so busy lately. I am not as busy as many people I know. Still some things have been a nonstop roller coaster. 

I think in some ways I have had the effects of my stroke increase or maybe I had some backsliding. My body is constantly sore,I’m an emotional wreck, and my memory slips. It’s like I’m a much older person, maybe 150 or 200 years old. 

There so much going on with two children in high school, and two others. 

10 September 2019

So my brain has been working through a lot of things. I need to slow myself down a lot. I feel like I’m going at a snails pace. So slow I can’t stand it. I need to go slower in certain ways. I can’t stand it in some ways. I have so much that I want to do. Better to do some things than none at all. 

It’s almost like I progressed to a certain point and I hit a point that it’s like if I want to make anymore progress I’m going to have to work harder. So now I have to choose very carefully what I want to do. I have lots of ideas. Some things there is very little chance that I could do, either because I don’t have the mental skills or the physical ability. 

I continue to have to remind myself,”You had a stroke.”  You would think it’s not such a hard thing to remember. It shouldn’t be, but I had almost 40 years when I was “normal”. Now it’s been almost 6 years that the stroke happened. Some things I can remember great from that time period. Some things I don’t remember at all. Brain injuries are like that.