26 May 2020....are we trying to do to much? I am.

So I feel I should do some explaining about what I think. 

First, do I want to die? No. I have a very good life and I can help lots of people still. 

Second, am I afraid to die?  No. I’ve made my peace with the possibility of death. It can only happen once, then it can’t happen to me again. 

Some people say they will cry if I die. I guess I should feel honored. 

Do I know what will happen after death? No. But I have a pretty good idea. And if I’m wrong I will find out and move on. 

There are lots of people I can still help in some form or another. I just ask them to keep what I do, or may do, to themselves. Let the rest of the world think I’m an idiot and a jerk. Some people already do think I am a jerk. I can live with that if they can. 

I wrote a bunch about my thoughts on education. I decided I should keep that to myself for the time being. But I will share some thoughts. 

First I like the way I grew up and went to school. That doesn’t mean I would recommend it for everyone or that it should be the ultimate way to educate someone. 

Also my parents were teachers and some of my grandparents. I was even a teacher for a time. Still I decided there are less painful ways to earn money. 

The government was nice enough to set up schools. That was nice of them. Still, parents should have the right to decide if they want to send their children to a government school, a private school, charter school, or teach them at home. And the money always follows the child wherever the child and his or her parents decide would be best to go. 

Education is a privilege, not a right.  It is a very good thing but it should never be thought of as a right. 

The school and teachers can’t be subservient to the students and parents and vice versa. 

School and education is, and should be a delicate balancing act. 

Education is important. That said, most people have be been duped into thinking that public education and college is the only route you can go to be successful. I was duped into college and ended up getting my masters degree. Now after having had a stroke I can’t do most things I studied to do. 

I think it would be great to see my children do lots of things that don’t require a degree. If they want a degree great.

Administrators should teach at least one class a day so they have first hand knowledge of how current classroom situations are. Give them the most “challenging” students. Newer teachers should get the classes that are “best” behaved.  

I have more ideas. 

 

So a little about my current goals. 

Running type exercise

So I don’t have my manual wheelchair right now because it is in the shop. I have decided that I need to go outside a few times a week and push myself. It might give me the same work effect as running. 

Write every morning. 

Not the best. Trying how to do better. 

Floss teeth 

Meh

Volunteer

I have some kind. 

Budget

I need to make this better. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Doing better. 

Spend time in nature

I think that my plan to go outside and be in the sun and wheel myself in my chair will work. 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

General Conference talks. Good. Book of Mormon. Meh. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week, hopefully sourdough. 

I have lots of ideas. I don’t know if I can eat that much bread. 

Me

Bread i made. 

14 May 2020......it’s nice to shower first thing in the morning.

“We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”  -MLKJr

I found the quote and it made me start thinking. 

I am seeing this statement ring true thoughout my life. I can remember all kinds of moments when people were silent and they didn’t say anything. 

Two examples;

Once when I was in seventh grade. I went to a scout meeting. 

More recently, maybe 5 years ago, a person said they would not stand up for me, after I had shared my troubles and then ask that person to help. The wouldn’t even tell me over the phone, only writing me. 

I can understand a person not wanting to get involved. Still, I very much go with the idea that life is messy. At times I didn’t cause or create the mess but I need to help clean up the mess. 

I am my brothers keeper. 

At the same time I can not be everything to everyone. I have to be able to say no because I have my limitations. I am so far from being Superman it’s laughable, or maybe you want to bawl. 

Now these are two cases where I have forgiven but not forgotten. I still like the two people, but I have no desire to be around them. I love them but I do not feel either has my back. 

I don’t know why people did what they did. All I know is that they weren’t there at a time I needed a lot of help. 

Maybe I’m to sensitive about things in my past. I don’t want to hold anything against anyone. I still do it at times. 

Now as I write I think and people didn’t tell me things. Honestly I don’t see how they thought they were protesting me. I see it more like they were protecting themselves. 

Maybe they assumed since I have a type of brain damage, I had a stroke, I couldn’t handle it. 

Hard truths or facts need to be shared at times. Honestly, as I see it facts need to be shared. No matter how hard the fact might be. We are our brothers and sisters keeper. 

A surgeon will go and skillfully operate. At times we all need a surgeon. We may hate what has to be done. 

Now what was done was most likely the best thing. Several people told one specific person and he told me. Was that the right thing to do?  Probably. Still when I think about it, it’s kind of chicken shit, in my opinion. Still there are some doctors that are amazing doctors. Still they have lousy people skills. Sure we all want a kind compassionate doctor. Still in most cases for me, I want the doctor that is most competent. 

I feel like I could go on but I won’t.