8 July 2020......oh brother.

I find myself upset, beyond rational thought, about things I have no control over. 

Even if I hadn’t had a stroke I would have no control over. 

I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. 

I won’t share exactly who the people are because no one would be able to do anything about the concerns I have. 

I have learned, mostly since the stroke that we, individually, have very little control over many things in our lives. 

Me and the stroke for example. It was partly breakage partly blockage. Either one can cause trouble by itself. I had both happen. 

I don’t have any of the possible indicators. 

I don’t drink. Never have. 

I don’t smoke. Never have. 

At the time I was running a lot. Usually five miles three times a week. 

So, that was ok. I didn’t die. 

Still, a blood vessel in my brain clogged. Another broke. 

If you want to say I’m lucky or unlucky you are probably right. 

There is only so much I have control over and even that can present limitations. I do what I can. 

One thing I laugh about is people trying to control things that we, as humans, have no control over. Anything that involves other people is normally out of our control.  Things we individually need to decide are; 

Can I persuade others to agree with me about this? 

Can I personally do anything? 

What if no one wants to join me?

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

 I can’t run by myself. I can try a treadmill. I have. It can wear me out quick. I have my manual wheelchair. It is not easy for me to push myself. I need someone to push me over and past the threshold for my front door. Still, I want to get out more. Not the best. Not the worst. 

Write every morning. 

Writing with one finger on a tablet is slow. Somedays I am to tired to do a damn thing. I try to avoid watching TV. Some days it’s the only thing I have strength to do. Still I have been trying to write more. Maybe someday I will do good. 

Floss teeth 

Thank goodness for flossers that can help me. Plane floss would leave me out of luck. I’ve been doing better lately. 

Volunteer

I can’t do what I would prefer. About the only thing I can do is throw money at problems. Oh well. Another thought. Money is bull shit, you have to spread you have to spread it out to help things to grow. 

Budget

I can’t do much at times. I need to do better. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad. 

Spend time in nature

I will go outside. In summer like right now it’s way to hot to want to be out. Winter has some nice days but usually it’s to wet and cold to be comfortable. At least there is rarely snow. 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

 Not doing bad.

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week, hopefully sourdough. 

I have been overwhelmed by bread. 

I have been thinking I need to back bread just once a month. Normally I would just give it away, but everyone thinks death is going to take them if they go out.