19 November 2022…..to much remembering recently.

I am so annoyed and angry at my stroke right now. 

My mother is having difficulties. I want to help, but my brain injury causes me to go over board and act idiotic. I have first hand information that could be helpful. That said the emotional part of my brain is to dominate for this situation. I want to help but everything I know and understand is very laden with the emotional part of this situation, because I had it happen to me already. 

I called my uncle and even though he was a great sounding board, he probably understood the situation better than I ever could and helped me to just vent and understand that it is a very emotional situation for all my siblings, but didn’t say that directly. 

Even though I have trained myself to be less emotional about many situations. I can get overwhelmed easily. The emotional part of my brain is the dominant part. I have, somehow, trained myself not to cry at everything, so much so, that when I need to cry I can’t. That said I was driving with my children the other day and I wanted to bawl for some reason. 

So recently I have been bombarded with emotional difficulties. 

Life is a pain. 

My wife has been helping me make bread. Everything bakes ok so far. It just doesn’t seem to mix up and rise like we want it to. We have made some awesome sourdough bread. It is definitely a slower process than using store bought yeast. But I am learning how to be more understanding of how long the process takes. 

I have other concerns. 

The elections past. Not much has changed. Most politicians are still scoundrels. Democrats, Republicans, most of them are not worth the time it takes to vote. I still vote. But I have little hope that any good will come from voting. Elections are not much more than a pacifier to the public at large. 

Reading and looking at that last paragraph, I must be more cynical than I realize. I like to think of myself as pragmatic. Still the only true pragmatist I think I have ever known is my grandpa. He may never have called himself a pragmatist, he was just himself. I sure miss his wisdom. I have a very difficult time describing his wisdom at times, because it seemed to be full of contractions. Still, some of the best wisdom.