10 April 2020.....😂🤣😂🤣

I made the most yummy sourdough bread. About the best I’ve ever tasted. 

My son and my friend helped me some. I want to avoid falling into a hot oven. And sometimes the sticky gets to sticky. I was doing some study and I will keep a bowl of water to keep my hands wet while working. So I did a bout 75-80%. And that was without a mixer. Still I think I will be using a mixer in the future. 

I tried making some bread with a loaf pan. I used the mixer. It did not turn out like I wanted it. Still very yummy. 

Next thing my children brought me some grapefruit from a tree in their mom’s backyard. 12 years ago I was working in the Rio Grande Valley, along the border. Interesting times. Still I decided to grow a grapefruit seed. Now twelve years later it is making fruit. Very good fruit. 

I’m not dead from carona virus. If I die I will let you know. But I should be ok. I have a cat and she can scare it away. 

26 March 2020.......suck less

So, I am of two minds about this Coronavirus crap. 1) just stay home. That’s what I do most of the time anyway. 2) People just need to get back to work or the lifestyle we have all become accustomed to will stop. We might be living in a third world country (meaning the US) by the end of the year. I don’t seen my wheelchair holding up to well in those conditions. I would rather take the chance dying than have my children grow up in a hunger games kind of world. And not a district 1 type world, we already live in that. 2-12 type of world. Personally I don’t have a problem Dying so other people can live better in the future. 

I already know that regardless of what I do what happens will happen. I am just one person. I can cancel non-urgent medical appointments. I can elbow bump instead of shake hands. I’ve already been a house rat, I can continue to stay in. 

I’m not worried about life being hard. The people that bought all the toilet paper made life harder than it needs to be. 

So, again we discover life sucks sometimes. We already knew that. 

Trust the Lord. That doesn’t mean life won’t suck. I’ve learned recently how much the Lord saves us from ourselves. It doesn’t stop life from sucking. But it sucks less. 

16 March 2020

Bottom line up front. By the odds I should be dead. 

The type of stroke I had is not very forgiving. 90% die after 3 days. Of the remainder 90% die after three months. So 1% live. 99% die. 

I’m going on eight years since the stroke. 

I was just reading. Overall it’s kind of cryptic. 

Do I want to die? No.  But I am not afraid of it either. As far as I am concerned in many ways living for me is already a type of “Hell”. The unknown of death has no hold on me. For three weeks after my stroke I thought I was asleep and having a dream. Pretty wild and crazy dream. 

Do I want to be dead?  No. I am just not scared of it. Sure it’s unknown. Still I have had more than I want to admit of surprises the past 7 years. I say seven because that was when most of my hell began. 

So, I had the stroke. I had no idea. I just “woke up” in the hospital. I still can’t do things I wanted to do then. But I can use the bathroom and wipe my own butt now. I’m not wearing diapers like I was for a time. That is a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. 

If you want me to tell you about the hell that was the first year of my life after the stroke, call me. 

Year two after the stroke learned to do more things. Moved out of my parents apartment and to my own apartment. I may have needed help but I’m not an idiot or a baby. Sure I needed help. That passed. i still do at times

The rest of the years have just run together in many ways. 

I’ve gotten divorced twice. I got married once. Both cheated on me and both left me. It’s hard for me to believe I was that big of an ass twice. Who knows. 

I’ve had people and organizations offer to help me with things and then withdraw the offer of help very last minute. 

I have had people leave and drive off in my own car, making me go five miles in my wheelchair. The cold didn’t help. 

I’ve had attorneys refuse to work with me because of my ex-wife complaining about something that I was doing.  Something she didn’t like but the divorce decree clearly states I can do. 

I’ve had apartment management act like I am asking something unpardonable because I ask for a ramp to the dog park. 

These are just a few thing that have happened in my life. I have left out names to protect the stupid. 

I’m not going to try to convince you I am perfect or some sort of saint. I have more than my fair share of faults and shortcomings. Still it’s easiest most of the time to just be quiet  most of the time and just let people do what they do. 

I would love to go help someone pack or move. I do a very good job of getting in the way. 

I would love to sit and shoot the breeze. That makes me so tired. I have lots to say but no energy to say most of it. 

In many ways I have a very good life. Still my life is no fun. I am so tired of so may things. 

I’m not scared of death or hell. Hell is something I’m already living in. In many ways. In other ways my life is great. 

Death. I just don’t care. I plan to donate my body to science. After it’s done being used for a cadaver I want my bones cleaned and decorated to be used as a Halloween decoration. 

So that’s all I have to say about that. 

I decided to shave my mustache but leave the beard. So I’m kind of  a hybrid at the moment, Amish, Brigham Young, Klingon. At least I won’t be getting food in the mustache or eating it. 

I have been doing lots of research into sour dough bread. I have learned that it can be healthier than store bought bread. First, the natural yeast is something that can help you build immunity to local pathogens. Second, gluten is something that occurs naturally in bread making. But most bread is made at such a high rate of spread the gluten is not transformed in what our human bodies can use. 

This is just my opinion, most bread that we buy, is not worked enough to transform all the gluten into other chemicals human bodies can use. I would love to see a study. If someone knows of one send it to me. 

I think that the raise of gluten problems is because of the fact people have been consuming soft store bought breads that were made in less than a day. As I have been reading and studying most bread dough is made one day allowed to rest and baked the next day. This allows the gluten to transform into something that the human body can use better. 

12 March 2020......

So am I worried about carona virus?

Not really. 

When the bodies start stacking up in the streets to be burned that will be a much more reasonable time to worry. 

Just wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. At the very least lick them clean. 

9 March 2020.....Pure evil

I hate, hate, hate daylight savings. I so prefer standard. I change my schedule with the time change. I got up at 5:00 on standard. Daylight savings, I get up at 6:00. Technically the same time. I went to bed about 8:30. Now, 9:30. Still same time. Everything during the day will change slightly. As far as I am concerned whoever came up with daylight savings was an evil jerk. Whoever insists we continue to use it is evil. But calling 5:00am 6:00am is not my idea of a good time. So I hate daylight saving time. If you like it I question your sanity. 

Right now it is spring break in San Antonio. I’m already tired. If I die I will let you know. 

22 February 2020......less is less and more

One of the ways I have been saved, in a way, is because of the stroke I had. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish anything like it on anyone. It is not one bit of fun. It’s not a career choice I would advise anyone to plan. Plan for the unfortunate possibility, yes. Plan and hope for, no. I would gladly walk if I could in a meaningful way. 

The stroke has forced me to look and listen to things going on around me. I still allow myself no get distracted at times. 

So here’s a picture of me. 

This is my cat, Mouse 

So, one thing I enjoy is being wrong. Not that I want to be wrong. Just some people think I am and I’ve decided that’s good. I can live with being wrong. 

Maybe I’m wrong because I have brain damage?

Maybe it’s because I grew my beard?

At times it’s nice to be wrong.  

8 February 2020....it’s a mad mad world

Just some thoughts. 

I am so sick of the VA. I need it for many things. I could use other stuff for some things. It is a pain in so many ways. Socialized medicine at its finest. “If you have a complaint take it with you, otherwise we’ll ignore you”

I had to get a storage unit for the time being. I think storage units are such a waste in so many ways. This is a one off. 

I seem to care more about the State of the Union than I used to. 

A quote that I think fits so many things in the modern world. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

So many people are trying to save somebody else from something. No one can force anyone to be saved. We can invite. The moment that we insist on anything we are becoming coercive. 

It is not fun if you don’t get your own way. At one point in my life I would just keep talking until I got my way. We may get our way is that what we really need. 

Generally speaking, we can do what we want. Is that good or not good at times?

I find the way people think and talk down on artistic people insane. 

This exchange from the movie “It’s All True” carries a lot of weight. 

Thomas: Cant lull about all day thinking pretty thoughts like you poets. Must to business. 

Shakespeare: Business sir Thomas

Thomas: Yes business. An large estate doesn’t run itself you know. 

Shakespeare: I thought you meant a real business like building, owning and operating London’s largest theater for years instance. Actors, carpenters, seamstresses, crew, to pay. Bribes to pay. Security to mount. Politics to navigate. 3000 paying costumers to be fed and watered every afternoon. Each promised a spectacle greater than the last. 170 royal command performances for our queen and our king. Have you ever considered the logistics of mounting the battle of shosburry in the banquet hall of Hampton court. Please don’t, it would make you so tired. 

Yet in all the years that I have run my vast complex and spectacularly successful business, Thomas, I have indeed found the time to think and write down the pretty thoughts you mention and in my experience bring immense pleasure to those who seek mir diversion or respite from this veil of tears without which it would be about as pointless as..well, about as pointless as you Sir Thomas. 

The scene goes on some more but this is the main thing. 

Theater and film are very important. That said, to be successful like Shakespeare was was not easy then and it is not easy now. I am not mad I have a degree in theater. That said I would never encourage anyone to get a degree in it. 

Of the people I went to college with I can count the people that I know  have worked in theater and film on one hand. Granted one was the creator of “Napoleon Dynamite”. Still I say there are less painful ways to earn ones life. 

Most of the people, not counting teachers, have transferred themselves to other areas of life; medical, business management, more teachers.  Theater and film, and many arts in general, are not my idea of a good life. Arts are important. Just not something I would want to do and I would never encourage anyone to do them either. 

Part of why I think the way I do now is because I had a stroke and honestly I was never very good at some things any way. 

The world needs the arts. What the world wants is entertainment. 

It’s all....

Point, everyone needs to figure out there success point

Define it yourself. 

Now current events are driving many people crazy. Honestly life goes on. As soon as the world is a going to explode we can worry about things. Then after it explodes we don’t need to worry anymore.