29 September 2020......thousand words

22 September 2020......why do I care?

So what is kindness?

 Is kindness doing everything for someone? Is kindness giving someone a fish, or teaching that same person how to fish?

Is kindness cutting a person open? Does that make you a psychopath or a surgeon?

Is wearing a mask make you a bandit or someone that doesn’t want to get others ill?

What is kindness? Who ultimately gets to decide?

What is someone physically capable of?  Who gets to decide?

So I have decided that I don’t want to post anything about federal or state politics. To devicive. Less important anyway. The city and the schoolboard have more effects and importance on my life overall. I have school age children. I still have to go out to get my fingernails done. So in order of importance school board, city, county, (here city and county are almost the same) state, then federal. I can’t write federal of entirely, I still rely on the VA for a lot. 

So, what is my logic. The federal government has, or should have, very little influence over my day to day life. I should focus most of my efforts on the schools my children attend, the stoplights near where I live, etc. Things that may have more effect on my day to day life. Granted, the national scene is “sexier”. Still important. It can influence my, or anyone else’s, life. Still it doesn’t deserve nearly as much attention as it gets. 

I am bummed out and annoyed. My travel wheelchair has some kind of problem with the CPU. So basically it is a dead weight until I can take it to the wheelchair repair shop. I want to do some traveling fairly soon. Maybe that will have to wait until I can get the wheelchair fixed. 

The worst thing is having dreams and aspersions and not having the physical capability to do anything about it. My children and I went shopping. (Shopping does not mean buying.) anyway, I found a marble track that you can setup different ways and I wanted to get it. The problem is my hands are not capable of the dexterity and strength needed to build or take apart the pieces. I have a similar situation with LEGOs. That is my never ending dilemma. There are things I want to do. I don’t have the capability to do most things alone. I can go to the store and look. I am limited to what I can carry in one hand if I buy anything. Mostly I just look.

I want to do so many things that are beyond my physical capacity. 

The fact that I can’t do some things is very depressing at times. It is not the end of the world, but at times it feels like it. 

Alma 29:3

15 September 2020.....life is slow lately

I have been thinking about how I do things. I need to do something’s in a different order than I have been. Writing I need to try in the morning. Then reading scriptures later. 

I have so much that I feel like I need to do. I get so tired so easily these days. What do I need to cut out of my life? What do I for sure need to do?

So the idea that I have and keeps coming back to me is; what can I do individually. Individuals make up systems. We can only address systems if we are willing to address individuals. 

One thing that I have thought for awhile is a quote, that I am understanding for myself after years. “It is better to better to work for the salvation of one soul, than work tirelessly for the salvation of the masses.”

What can I do as an individual?

Don’t worry about what others may need to do because you have no control over it. 

So looking at most people, can they make their bed? 

Sure. 

Even me if I have people help me set it up the right way. I’m a big believer in having a made bed. In fact before my stroke, if I hadn’t made my bed in the morning, before I would go to bed at night, I would make my bed. It’s different in many was since my stroke. I still prefer a made bed, but it is not nearly as easy for me. Still I can do something. 

So I have noticed some change over the last 7 years. 

Some people said I acted younger than my age. They might have been right. Still doesn’t change the fact that I’m a 40+ year old man and they have treated me like a child at times. 

One thing I thought was stupid was some people felt they had to “tell on” me. Once, I was mad enough to chew nails. Madder than hell at my mother, it has happened at times. (I still love her.) I sent her an email. She felt she needed to share what I sent to her with someone else close to me at the time. The thing was I had already shared the information with the person. Honestly I don't understand how or why some people want to be so controlling. 

I have had a brain  injury. It effects lots of different aspects of a person. Physically, I can’t walk. My talking is not what anyone would call normal. Movement in general is a challenge, especially when I am not in my wheelchair. 

My emotions are a mess some days. If I need to cry, at times I can’t. That’s partly physical but becomes emotional. The thing is if you cry most people assume you are sad. You can cry when you are happy. One day I was very happy and crying. Everyone assumed I was sad. Very frustrating. 

Another thing is if I get mad hardly anything with my physical body works properly. I have had more times than I can count that I get mad about something and my ability to move is just stopped. I’m ham fisted at the best of times. If I let myself get mad about everything around me I would not be able to function. My fingers and hands become fists, I can’t straighten my arms, one leg goes straight and the other bends. I became a physical mess. If I let my emotions get out of control.  So I can function physically, I have to keep my emotions in check. 

Emotions are different depending on our age as well. 

In seven and a half years I have gone from being a child, maybe teenager emotionally to being more of the 46 year old man that I am. I think that I am starting to act 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90. 

Intelligence, that’s something I’ve never worried about. It has always been hard for me to communicate effectively but that’s a different story. Sure there are lots of things I don’t know. 

I’m not a doctor or a lawyer. Still I’ve had doctors and lawyers compliment me about how I think about things. 

I’m not a mathematician or a physicist. 

I’m not a business person or an economist. 

I have my masters degree. At times I feel I got duped into getting. 

So,

Emotionally, I’m a mess. 

Physically, I’m a train wreck. 

Mentally and intellectually, I can do pretty good. And by pretty good I mean I could leave most people crying under the table. 

Overall, so. 

I have come to a deeper understanding of this quote. 

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

President Ezra Taft Benson

The Lord works with the individual. 

It’s a very slow process at times. 

For example. How long ago did the Lord give the proper name for his church?1838. 

When did the prophet of the Lord begin to ask us to us the proper name? 2018. 

The Lord allowed the bastardization of the churches name for nearly 200 years. 

The Lord moves, what I would call, painfully slow at times. Still the only way that something will last at times if it is slow. 

I like things fast at times. The Lord moves much slower. Sometimes I hate how slow things seem to go at times. 

So I don’t want to write about politics but I have to say something about this. 

This lady I know shared a video. I shared it myself. 

Basically the video was saying don’t vote for Trump. It didn’t say vote for someone else and that is the problem. 

There are four candidates. 

President Trump is obviously one of the four choices. Not the best person in many ways. Still he tries to be very clear about that he wants to do. 

Most people know who the challengers are. What I find hilarious is that the video said don’t vote for the President, but it didn’t say who someone should vote for. 

The President is not the best example I would say of a human being should be. He is a good business man. I would say he loves his country. I hate some things he does. Still he loves his country and he’s working for free, basically. 

28 August 2020......that’s me

I get to wrapped up in political stuff if I’m not careful. And I’m not as careful as I should be. 

Many people are outstanding people whatever political party they claim.

The biggest problem is at what level a person is seeking public office.

The “Democrat” candidate for president is not a Democrat. The “Republican” candidate for president isn’t a real Republican. Anyone else running I say has a snowflake’s chance in hell. 

So whoever is ultimately chosen isn’t a real Republican or Democrat. 

You can’t rely on the news. FOX, CNN, MSNBC, and others all share information that can’t be taken seriously. 

The biggest concern this election year is who will be Vice President. If, heaven forbid, something happens to the president then the Vice President becomes president. If Mr Pence were to be put in that unfortunate situation, ok, I can live with that. If Mrs Harris, I don’t think I could not get out of the county fast enough. 

Picture of me. 

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I might need to use my manual wheelchair inside. I might need to ask some other  people I know to help me. 

Write every morning. 

I have been doing better. I just need to keep myself motivated. I need the TV on for background noise. That doesn’t make sense to me, but that seems to be how I work these days. 

Floss teeth 

Ok I need to have dinner early. 

Volunteer

Sure. 

Budget

I was working on it. I think I have been making it more complicated than I need to. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Ok

Spend time in nature

Sure. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I do best if I read first thing in the morning. That means I need to get up. Somedays that’s not the easiest. 

I’ve been reading the book of Helaman in the Book of Mormon. I am not sure how much I like reading it. It makes me think we live in a horrible time ourselves and it’s going to get worse before it gets better. 

Still we need to keep praying. The Lord will not abandon use. We may not understand everything at times. That’s ok. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I baked some bread. It is some of the softest I’ve made. I put butter in 

13 August 2020....I’m glad I don’t want much broadcast TV. The world is insane.

The other day I read an article that my uncle had posted and makes Mr Joe Biden sound good in many ways. Now he’s announced his running mate and I would say that there is no way I would vote for him. Little likelihood of me voting for him anyway. 

But after researching his intended policies the intended policies in the article, it’s full of half truths. 

One example. 

Fracking. 

Federal land in his home state Pensilvania is 2.5%. 

As President he would not have control over the rest. Just the federal lands. Fracking would still go on as normal on state owned lands. 

In Utah, federal land is 64.9% of the state. Wyoming 48.1% 

Lots of people would be effected. Especially in my home town, Vernal, Utah and many other parts of the surrounding areas. It’s easy not to think or worry about some things that are further away.  

Now, the state of Utah gets most of its money for education from oil revenues. Where does most of the oil come from in the state. Uintah basin, Vernal and the surrounding area. 

So, it doesn’t take to much of a logical jump to assume that if Mr. Biden becomes president he will attempt to impose restrictions on fracking. That would lead to a very limited amount of money for education in Utah. Most of the money that the state of Utah uses for education comes from the oil industry. 

If I am wrong someone please correct me. 

The article was great article and painted Mr Biden in a great light. If it was sharing full truths that would be wonderful. I hate to even think about other misinformation it’s sharing. 

For eastern states it’s more applicable than western states. 

We live in a world that is stupid lately. If you watch the news you become more stupid. 

A picture of me. I wish my beard would come grow faster. 

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I need to do something. 

Write every morning. 

I’m still not doing as much writing as I want. But I have been getting some done. 

Floss teeth 

Not bad 

Volunteer

Sure. 

Budget

I need to do better. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Ok

Spend time in nature

Sure. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

Not bad

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I think I am not the person that can do sourdough will, maybe I will just stick with other. 

4 August 2020..you have to click through to see both photos

So a little play I had from yesterday 

Numbers are from the CDC and the census bureau

 154,471/4,648,102=0.03322599

3% of the people that get the virus die. Sad, but it’s a fact of life. 97% survival rate. 

4,648,102/328,200,000=0.01416241

People that get the virus is slightly more than 1% of the entire US population. 

154,471/328,200,000=0.00047066

Way less than one percent of the US population die. 

Chance of getting struck by lightning 

1 in 700,000 according to National Geographic 

You are more likely to be hit by lightning than die from carona virus. 

Not die from lightning strike. Just be hit. 

 

So this whole country has gone insane 

Me

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I need to get out in my wheelchair more. 

Write every morning. 

I sent my IPad to keep my “locked out” for some time in the morning. Also to set reminders to write, instead of watching TV all day. 

Floss teeth 

I seem to be doing pretty good right now. I just need to keep my schedule. 

Volunteer

Yeah. 

Budget

My bank website was not working this morning. But I will try later. Also I think I have been double budgeting a few things. I need to have someone help and double check me. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad

Spend time in nature

Yesterday it was raining. I still went out for a few minutes. I do need to go outside more. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I think that with me blocking my iPad for some time I will be able to study my scriptures better. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I think this weekend would be a great time to bake some bread. 

I have been so busy the past few weeks. I am tired and want to just listen to audiobooks or play on my tablet or something. 

31 July 2020......Day 4. Hmmm

Day 4

Something I am bothered by is how we, as humans, think we are so smart. 

Logic and emotion. 

Both are needed. 

The way I see it, God communicates with us constantly. Sometimes by logic. Sometimes by emotion. He is the Master of both. Both are needed. 

Make up your mind. 

Ask if that is right. 

Sometimes the answer is yes. 

Sometimes we don’t get an answer but forget what the question even is. 

Sometimes He leaves it up to us to decide. 

Are we asking to know something or do something?

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I want to. It’s just hard to be consistent for many reasons. 

Write every morning. 

It has been hard to want to do anything recently. I am starting to get better and I think writing needs to take priority.

Floss teeth 

Pretty good. I’ve got to stick to my schedule. 

Volunteer

Sure I guess. 

Budget

I need to do better. I have been trying to correlate all my bank accounts, automatic payments, and budgets.  I have so many things right now I am very busy. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad

Spend time in nature

Going outside for a while each day is all in up to right now. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

Not bad. I read President Nelson’s talk this morning. One thing that jumped out to me was, “I promise that as you increase your time in temple and family history work, you will increase and improve your ability to hear Him.”

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I tried a recipe that was supposed to be super soft bread. It was not as soft as I would have hoped for. I think I need to do some research and try again. 

Now something different. I find myself torn. I have been an Apple enthusiasts for years. Now I find myself needing to help my son who spends entirely to much time on his phone. I’m not worried about what he is looking at, just how much time he is on the phone playing games and watching videos. 

With Apple parents have control until the person is Twelve. The day a person reaches thirteen parents seem to have very little control. 

I have been contemplating getting my son and myself Android phones for the simple fact that I could limit his screen time more easily. That is what I understand anyway. 

Someone please educate me. 

I don’t want a tracking device. I don’t want to listen in on conversations. All I want to do is limit screen time so my son will be a member of the family. 

I am truly at a loss. So many things for his and my situation require a phone. Also in this day and age phones are almost a requirement.