Saturday 26 September 2015......yeah.

I get so tired. It is such a pain in the butt. I hate the way that happens for me. The past few days I have had such a difficult time sleeping. If I roll to either side it is like all my skin gets pulled. That can be very uncomfortable. So I get up. 

I have been thinking a lot. I know l need to stop. Probably won't happen. 

For those that don't know I'm Mormon. If that bothers you in some fashion.....well I want to say something snide but that would not work right now. 

About the best everyday description of the Mormon faith is from the creator of "South Park".   

"I’ve been fascinated with the Mormons for a long time. They are the nicest people in the world. If a religion’s going to take over the world, and the one that really believes 'just be super nice to everyone' takes over, that’s all right with me. Even if it’s all bull----, that’s OK."

Could I say something else. Probably. 

Do I expect everyone to believe the same things as me? No. 

Do I think the same things as my family?  Far from it. 

Do I like Utah?  Sure, it's a great place, it's just the people that make it intolerable. 

If you want to talk with me for a long time I can tell you what I think. If you want to argue I'll leave and you can argue with yourself. I have better things to do with my time. 

I will say is the gospel of Jesus Christ as preached by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, commonly known as the Mormon church, is true. Does that mean that we cannot discover truth in other places? Of coarse we can. The simple fact is there is more truth and facts than we as humans are willing to accept or acknowledge.  

If you want to mathematically prove that 1=0 you can. We should all know that 1>0.  (https://www.math.hmc.edu/funfacts/ffiles/10001.1-8.shtml ) I do not expect or want anyone to just believe me. I am just as big an idiot in some ways as others are in others. I am pretty dang smart in areas and could put people to shame in other areas. Since my stroke I have learned things that I never thought I would need to know. The fact is we are just human and we are not as smart as we want to think we are. 

Consider that my soapbox. I'm done. 

Wednesday 23 September 2015....here we go again, same old stuff again.

I have been thinking about something that I think needs to be said. There are many people that may think that I am doing things the wrong way. Nothing new for me. 

I have four of the most adorable kids in the world. If you don't believe me just ask me. And if you are still doubting you can judge for yourself. They are pretty dang awesome. 

The fact is they have a pretty awesome mom. Just to make things clear I do not want her back. But she is an amazing lady. 

She is the mother of four very energetic children. Anyone that can work with my kids with as much work as they require is awesome. When they spend the weekend with me I'm exhausted after. She is a very good actress. Our one son has learned to love to perform as well. She can make very amazing cakes. Her decorating skills are pretty amazing. While I would say that I was a better cook than her before my stroke she is very good. (I'm still waiting for the golosh you promised to make me.) She is a very good driver. I am not fearful for my life when I ride with Sara. Incidentally my wife Marcy is a very good driver also. Marcy might say otherwise.  There are lots of reasons why Sara is amazing. I do not have time to list them all. I will reiterate the fact that I do not wish to be back with Sara in anyway. Is she a bad person?  That is for you to decide. I would say no. Your opinion is yours. 

I am trying to find out about a decision that the VA made and trying to find out if the DAV can help me. It comes down to semantics. I had a stroke. No debate there. Is a stroke an injury or an illness. I would say its a silly question but it's the question of the day.

One thing that I do want to make clear is how I use words. If I say I will consider something I may decide yes I may decide no. It is my choice. Everyone has than same privilege. Before my stroke I would talk about everything. I get very tired from talking now. I can still talk your ear off. It makes me very tired to talk these days. I text a lot more. It is such a slow process for me to type anything that it really is a dilemma at times. Type or talk. Neither one is really fun for me. The other reason that I choose typing over talking is the fact that it is easier for me to leave my emotions out of most everything. I can still be overly emotional when I type but it is not as easy. Someone may choose to talk a lot. I choose to talk very little. Who is right? Who is wrong?  I see it as asking which came first the chicken or the egg?  Pointless in my opinion. We all live and die still.

There are so many things that I do want to express to people but for whatever reason I can't. I have a kind of unique perspective. If you have time and can tolerate me I would be glad to share it with you.   

Thursday 17 September 2015....whatever.

I am really not liking recovery from pneumonia right now. I was feeling so tired. I felt great the other day. The next day I was so tired. It could be worse. 

I have a lot to say but it will have to wait. 

Monday 14 September 2015......one day more.

I think I need to expand what I said last time. 

I have a very confusing personal thermostat. I have come to the conclusion that ice cream is not a good thing for me to eat at night. I love ice cream. I think where the cold isn't as concentrated it doesn't seem to have an effect. The first time I felt like I was freezing I remember I had had an ice cream bar before bed. The most recent time I was was at my nephews graduation. He went to get everyone some ice cream just before bed. I thought and felt like I was freezing. When my sister touched me she felt like she was cold. I was burning up. I still thought I was cold.  I had ask for extra blankets and my teeth were chatting so hard I thought they might break. Something was not right. Easy answer no ice cream at night before bed. 

I think I have caused some concern for some people. The way I wrote my last post some my think that I am depressed. I may have more cause to be depressed than most people but I'm not. If I do get depressed I will be sure to tell someone. I worked as a social worker before my stroke. I would like to think that I could hide the fact that I am depressed. I probably couldn't. This one friend said about me "If Nathan were dishonest he'd tell you."  I don't know if I'm like that so much any more but almost.

I don't take to many prescriptions. I have a few supplements also. My wife found out about the supplements for me. Thanks honey. The one is called D-ribose. It's a natural substance that occurs in the food we eat. I have mentioned it before. If I were going to eat food that has it I would eat 19,000 almonds a day. I like almonds but if I ate that many everyday I would have to be rolled around everywhere. I would be a serious fat boy. It's good.  If I don't have it I can be lacking a lot of energy and I can't do anything. 

The other supplement I take is Citicoline. It is amazing. It's taken mostly by people that have memory difficulty. It really helps with the numbness that is constantly on my right side. I ran out of the pills once and before the new shipment got to me I had all kinds of problems. I was very stiff and falling down. All kinds of no fun. The substance is made by our bodies from the food we eat. It's water soluble so it would be hard to get to much.  It is approved by the equivalent to the FDA in several countries. 

Both of them are amazing. 

Now this is my shameless bit of promotion. I use these vitamin/supplements from Le-Vel. Thrive.  Very awesome stuff. If you want to contact my sister, my wife or her brother or sister they can help you out. I will say that I never thought It would work. Oh how wrong I was. It works.  

I went to a family history conference this weekend. I guess some things I do, like this blog, would count as family history in some circles. I guess I am more interested in genealogy and finding out about the people from earlier. I found out about apps for your phone for a few different things. So there is a lot out there. 

I am trying to get some painting done. I wish I could do it, but it is beyond anything I am capable of right now. I can get all the stuff to do the painting easy enough, I just can't paint. I have had my kids help, the young men from church. I don't have much painting that needs done, I just want it done. If anyone knows a decent painter let me know.   

I have been so tired from my pneumonia that it brings back bad memories of having it before. I don't talk because it can take a lot of energy. I do talk but it can take so much of my energy that I just don't do it. There have been days were I can feel fine until I start talking. I end up with such an energy drain that it can be tough after. I will still talk a lot but afterward I have to rest and recover. That's no fun. 

The last thing I want to say is about my idea that I try to live by. "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." It sounds like a great idea.  I guess there are people that think that I just hold in everything that is disagreeable. Sometimes I do. More often than not I am just listening to things. If people want to think I'm thinking horrible things about them they can if it makes them feel better.  

I think that's about enough.  

Thursday 10 September 2015....feeling better but still tired.

"I know I can be very stubborn and I was that way before. I know that there are plenty of things we won't agree on and I would never expect her to just give anything. But the stroke has exacerbated things that are very hard to explain"-me little over a year ago. 

I am not the same person that I was in many ways. I will attempt to mention some of them. 

I am a very emotional person. I was before my stroke. Now it can be even more so. The other day I bawled and bawled. I had my reasons but once I started I had a really hard time stopping. Maybe that's normal. I'm not sure. If one emotion grabs me I'm basically stuck with it for a while. I can see how sertian kinds of behavior would work better at times. I guess you could say I get stuck in a rut and I can't get out. 

I am a very independent person. I like to do things for myself. I try all kinds of things. Some I can do others I can't. As much as I hate to ask for help sometimes I need to. I have had occasion that I have been left to do something myself. It is so frustrating when I figure out I can't do something. I try to do some leg lifts an that is very tough but I thought it would be easier. 

I don't like staying in bed. I do more these days. It is such a chore getting up some days that I think I might as well stay up. I have to get up like everyone. The thing is I can get so sore laying down and I have to sit up in my chair. 

I realize that there are really so many areas that can be different in some way for me. Life is really different for me. The thing is I thought I had it all figured out and then all the rules changed.