15 December 2020....if you want to see the photos you have to click through.

So, to start with I am getting fat. It’s been happening for about two years. Before that I never got hungry or full, now I do. It is very hard for me to exercise and I get very tired of apples, the only fruit that is durable enough for me to store for any meaningful time. 

I have been growing my beard from a year now. 

I was watching a ZZ Top video the other day. I think the one guy has three years of growth. I’ve got my work cut out for me if I want to get there. I would like to be able to get it into a pony tail or braid it. I was looking at a picture of Joseph F Smith. That beard he had was probably two or more years of growth. Here a few photos of my beard as it’s been growing over the past year. 

I deleted over 4,000 photos my children made. They weren’t even real photos. They. We’re screenshots. Fun stuff when you take them. Clutter. 

I have tried not to look at Facebook and I haven’t followed the news for a while anyway. This presidential election has been a fiasco. It has always been about the blind leading the stupid. Who is which? Take your pick. Candidates? Voters? News media? Senate? Representatives? 

16 November 2020

So I have come to the conclusion that I am trying to do to much, again. It always happens. Some things don’t need to be done everyday. Some things do. So let me review my ongoing goals. 

Still here’s a picture of my cat

Running type exercise

I don’t have to do that everyday or even every other day. If I get maybe twice a week that is more than awesome. 

Write every morning. 

I don’t have to write the same thing everyday. Maybe one day I will write a poem. Another day work on a play. Maybe work on a novel. It is novel writing month. Maybe just write in my journal. 

Floss teeth 

I have not been wanting to because I put it off until later at night.That makes it so I don’t want to do anything. 

Volunteer

I have discovered many things I can do. Still I would be bad at moving a couch. Offering money so people can get a moving van that I can do. 

Budget

This one is tricky for me. Part of me thinks it should be done everyday. That’s probably overkill. Once or twice a week I can reconcile my account with what I planned for and do something. 

I came to, what I think, is an important understanding. Budgets are done before you receive money. After you receive the money it is no longer budgeting. It could be called accounting, you are accounting, making sure you know where everything has gone. I need to account for where all my money goes. There are always unexpected things. Still prior planning prevents pitiful performance. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

I think I've got a pretty good system set up. Now I just need to keep maintaining it. 

Spend time in nature

I really need to do something here. Going outside of my apartment is just not enough. Being outside is great. I went to a state park with my children a few weeks ago. I was able to handle the small nature trail. I went with my children to the trail head. It was beyond rough and way to steep for my chair in parts. I went about 100 yards then turned around. I just waited for the others to go on the trail and come back. I thought going outside was sufficient. I would say it’s not. I need to go out to national park or something once a month. Be in real undeveloped nature. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I have been doing this. Slow and steady. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I need to do better I had to buy bread from the store. I hate most store bought bread. Bread is so simple to make bread at home. I don’t care as much for sour dough. It’s good if you have the skills. I don’t think I do. 

So that’s my analysis of life right now. 

One thing I want people to do is click though to see the actual blog I might start posting multiple pictures so in order to see them all you have to click though. I’m not sure on all the details yet. 

Maybe I will only share half a post. 

Here’s me. 

Now something different. My opinion. Some people say hospitals are over crowded with carona virus patients. Some people I’ve talked to that are nurses say they have plenty of room and then some. If this pandemic is as bad as everyone claims, I think it would make more since to cross level the patients between all the hospitals. Every hospital should be helping to lighten the load of the other hospitals. 

My opinion. If any hospital is insanely busy with carona virus patients and they are not willing to transfer patients....whatever. 

Finally, the presidential race this year has been the blind leading the stupid. Who’s blind? Who’s stupid? Take your pick, you are right. 

More importantly who will school board and city officials be. 

My cat again 

4 November 2020...... I really would like comments on this one

4 November 2020

So I posted and shared on Facebook yesterday that I have no desire to know who the winner of the presidential race is. I didn’t realize at the time what else would be effected. I will try to innumerate the things I have discovered. 

So if I don’t want to know who won the presidential race I can’t watch TV. At least the broadcast type. So streaming; Netflix, amazon, etc. 

I can’t spend time on Facebook. The app I use to post my blog makes it possible for me to post on Facebook without going on Facebook. That way I won’t get news or current events. 

I can stay away from Twitter. Nothing but current events there anyway 

No you tube, unless I can figure out a way to select what comes through. 

I can write more in my journal and pick and choose the bits that I want to share. In fact I’m doing that right now. 

I can spend more time on my budget and organizing how and where my money will go. 

Now that I will actively being trying to avoid the news and writing about how I will avoid it I can see there are many things I will be able to do that I wasn’t able to do before. 

So how will I keep up on current events? 

Well after I give myself a chance to detox, I can start looking at newspapers online. I can decide for myself and don’t need to let the talking heads decide what I should hear. 

So my desire to not know who the winner of the presidential race is, has far reaching consequences. 

If you can think of something, good or bad about my decision please let me know. Please write your comments on the blog comment section. I’m trying to avoid Facebook as much as possible

. 

15 October 2020.....happy birthday

Want to see a picture of me first thing in the morning? 

Scary huh. 

I am so disgusted at some of the choices I have allowed myself to make since my mission, when I was 21 years old.  Not that I have done anything that is “wrong”, but I have not allowed myself to be guided in a way that would have been best. 

The Lord told me time and time again, what would work the best. I did my own thing time and time again. Ultimately everything was my choice. Why I choose the way I did I will probably never understand. Sometimes I was told to do something. I choose to do something else. 

I am not happy about some of the choices I have made. 

I listened and tried to do as the Lord directed before my mission. In some cases I thought I new better after my mission and that was probably the time I needed Him most.

I talked with a friend that I was close to from that time. I ask why he or someone else didn’t forcefully just tell me what I needed to hear. He mentioned that I probably would not have listened. He’s most likely right. The fact is I still probably needed some kind of wake up call. 

I finally got my wake up call, so to speak.  I’ve had a stroke and me trying to do my own thing is not as easy as it used to be.  In fact it can be a bad joke at times. My ability to do lots of things I want to do, is extremely limited. I am forced to focus on what I want to do the most. “Full purpose of heart” must be part of my life. 

If I am working on anything am I focused on what I intended to be doing.  If I am getting ready to go somewhere, am I focusing on getting ready or going somewhere else. For example, if I am getting ready for church, is getting ready my focus or something else. 

I’m not the biggest fan of double tasking. Basically I see it as asking someone to provide lower quality work. That doesn’t mean life doesn’t throw multiple things at us at times so we have to do our best. 

I decided to watch some TV news. Bad idea.  I think I could feel myself loose IQ points. I’d say, it doesn’t matter what you watch; FOX, CNN, MSNBC, etc.,etc., a person becomes less intelligent the more they watch. 

So I don’t know when or how or why exactly it happened but dying is not something I want to have happen. I still don’t care if it does happen. I was just rereading what I wrote before and it doesn’t make sense to me. So I changed it.  I hate the fact that I had a stroke. It is not fun in many ways. I would not wish it on anyone. Still I don’t want to die. 

Now I should clarify. I have never been suicidal. I just do not care if I die. Dying is just the ultimate price for living on this earth. Now I’m having a pretty good time living and being human. Sure there are lots of things that aren’t ideal, whatever ideal is. But life is pretty good. 

I feel like I have had a second aging process. I have always been my physical age. My emotional age has gone from a child of about 5-10 to my 46 year old self since the stroke happened. In a way some of my systems had to reboot after the stroke. Now I’m version 2.0. The reboot process was, and is, slow. Maybe it is still going on in some ways. Over the last year and a little bit I have noticed differences. Some things I remember, but I have to concentrate on some of them more than I have had to the past. 

29 September 2020......thousand words

22 September 2020......why do I care?

So what is kindness?

 Is kindness doing everything for someone? Is kindness giving someone a fish, or teaching that same person how to fish?

Is kindness cutting a person open? Does that make you a psychopath or a surgeon?

Is wearing a mask make you a bandit or someone that doesn’t want to get others ill?

What is kindness? Who ultimately gets to decide?

What is someone physically capable of?  Who gets to decide?

So I have decided that I don’t want to post anything about federal or state politics. To devicive. Less important anyway. The city and the schoolboard have more effects and importance on my life overall. I have school age children. I still have to go out to get my fingernails done. So in order of importance school board, city, county, (here city and county are almost the same) state, then federal. I can’t write federal of entirely, I still rely on the VA for a lot. 

So, what is my logic. The federal government has, or should have, very little influence over my day to day life. I should focus most of my efforts on the schools my children attend, the stoplights near where I live, etc. Things that may have more effect on my day to day life. Granted, the national scene is “sexier”. Still important. It can influence my, or anyone else’s, life. Still it doesn’t deserve nearly as much attention as it gets. 

I am bummed out and annoyed. My travel wheelchair has some kind of problem with the CPU. So basically it is a dead weight until I can take it to the wheelchair repair shop. I want to do some traveling fairly soon. Maybe that will have to wait until I can get the wheelchair fixed. 

The worst thing is having dreams and aspersions and not having the physical capability to do anything about it. My children and I went shopping. (Shopping does not mean buying.) anyway, I found a marble track that you can setup different ways and I wanted to get it. The problem is my hands are not capable of the dexterity and strength needed to build or take apart the pieces. I have a similar situation with LEGOs. That is my never ending dilemma. There are things I want to do. I don’t have the capability to do most things alone. I can go to the store and look. I am limited to what I can carry in one hand if I buy anything. Mostly I just look.

I want to do so many things that are beyond my physical capacity. 

The fact that I can’t do some things is very depressing at times. It is not the end of the world, but at times it feels like it. 

Alma 29:3

15 September 2020.....life is slow lately

I have been thinking about how I do things. I need to do something’s in a different order than I have been. Writing I need to try in the morning. Then reading scriptures later. 

I have so much that I feel like I need to do. I get so tired so easily these days. What do I need to cut out of my life? What do I for sure need to do?

So the idea that I have and keeps coming back to me is; what can I do individually. Individuals make up systems. We can only address systems if we are willing to address individuals. 

One thing that I have thought for awhile is a quote, that I am understanding for myself after years. “It is better to better to work for the salvation of one soul, than work tirelessly for the salvation of the masses.”

What can I do as an individual?

Don’t worry about what others may need to do because you have no control over it. 

So looking at most people, can they make their bed? 

Sure. 

Even me if I have people help me set it up the right way. I’m a big believer in having a made bed. In fact before my stroke, if I hadn’t made my bed in the morning, before I would go to bed at night, I would make my bed. It’s different in many was since my stroke. I still prefer a made bed, but it is not nearly as easy for me. Still I can do something. 

So I have noticed some change over the last 7 years. 

Some people said I acted younger than my age. They might have been right. Still doesn’t change the fact that I’m a 40+ year old man and they have treated me like a child at times. 

One thing I thought was stupid was some people felt they had to “tell on” me. Once, I was mad enough to chew nails. Madder than hell at my mother, it has happened at times. (I still love her.) I sent her an email. She felt she needed to share what I sent to her with someone else close to me at the time. The thing was I had already shared the information with the person. Honestly I don't understand how or why some people want to be so controlling. 

I have had a brain  injury. It effects lots of different aspects of a person. Physically, I can’t walk. My talking is not what anyone would call normal. Movement in general is a challenge, especially when I am not in my wheelchair. 

My emotions are a mess some days. If I need to cry, at times I can’t. That’s partly physical but becomes emotional. The thing is if you cry most people assume you are sad. You can cry when you are happy. One day I was very happy and crying. Everyone assumed I was sad. Very frustrating. 

Another thing is if I get mad hardly anything with my physical body works properly. I have had more times than I can count that I get mad about something and my ability to move is just stopped. I’m ham fisted at the best of times. If I let myself get mad about everything around me I would not be able to function. My fingers and hands become fists, I can’t straighten my arms, one leg goes straight and the other bends. I became a physical mess. If I let my emotions get out of control.  So I can function physically, I have to keep my emotions in check. 

Emotions are different depending on our age as well. 

In seven and a half years I have gone from being a child, maybe teenager emotionally to being more of the 46 year old man that I am. I think that I am starting to act 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90. 

Intelligence, that’s something I’ve never worried about. It has always been hard for me to communicate effectively but that’s a different story. Sure there are lots of things I don’t know. 

I’m not a doctor or a lawyer. Still I’ve had doctors and lawyers compliment me about how I think about things. 

I’m not a mathematician or a physicist. 

I’m not a business person or an economist. 

I have my masters degree. At times I feel I got duped into getting. 

So,

Emotionally, I’m a mess. 

Physically, I’m a train wreck. 

Mentally and intellectually, I can do pretty good. And by pretty good I mean I could leave most people crying under the table. 

Overall, so. 

I have come to a deeper understanding of this quote. 

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

President Ezra Taft Benson

The Lord works with the individual. 

It’s a very slow process at times. 

For example. How long ago did the Lord give the proper name for his church?1838. 

When did the prophet of the Lord begin to ask us to us the proper name? 2018. 

The Lord allowed the bastardization of the churches name for nearly 200 years. 

The Lord moves, what I would call, painfully slow at times. Still the only way that something will last at times if it is slow. 

I like things fast at times. The Lord moves much slower. Sometimes I hate how slow things seem to go at times. 

So I don’t want to write about politics but I have to say something about this. 

This lady I know shared a video. I shared it myself. 

Basically the video was saying don’t vote for Trump. It didn’t say vote for someone else and that is the problem. 

There are four candidates. 

President Trump is obviously one of the four choices. Not the best person in many ways. Still he tries to be very clear about that he wants to do. 

Most people know who the challengers are. What I find hilarious is that the video said don’t vote for the President, but it didn’t say who someone should vote for. 

The President is not the best example I would say of a human being should be. He is a good business man. I would say he loves his country. I hate some things he does. Still he loves his country and he’s working for free, basically. 

28 August 2020......that’s me

I get to wrapped up in political stuff if I’m not careful. And I’m not as careful as I should be. 

Many people are outstanding people whatever political party they claim.

The biggest problem is at what level a person is seeking public office.

The “Democrat” candidate for president is not a Democrat. The “Republican” candidate for president isn’t a real Republican. Anyone else running I say has a snowflake’s chance in hell. 

So whoever is ultimately chosen isn’t a real Republican or Democrat. 

You can’t rely on the news. FOX, CNN, MSNBC, and others all share information that can’t be taken seriously. 

The biggest concern this election year is who will be Vice President. If, heaven forbid, something happens to the president then the Vice President becomes president. If Mr Pence were to be put in that unfortunate situation, ok, I can live with that. If Mrs Harris, I don’t think I could not get out of the county fast enough. 

Picture of me. 

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I might need to use my manual wheelchair inside. I might need to ask some other  people I know to help me. 

Write every morning. 

I have been doing better. I just need to keep myself motivated. I need the TV on for background noise. That doesn’t make sense to me, but that seems to be how I work these days. 

Floss teeth 

Ok I need to have dinner early. 

Volunteer

Sure. 

Budget

I was working on it. I think I have been making it more complicated than I need to. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Ok

Spend time in nature

Sure. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I do best if I read first thing in the morning. That means I need to get up. Somedays that’s not the easiest. 

I’ve been reading the book of Helaman in the Book of Mormon. I am not sure how much I like reading it. It makes me think we live in a horrible time ourselves and it’s going to get worse before it gets better. 

Still we need to keep praying. The Lord will not abandon use. We may not understand everything at times. That’s ok. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I baked some bread. It is some of the softest I’ve made. I put butter in 

13 August 2020....I’m glad I don’t want much broadcast TV. The world is insane.

The other day I read an article that my uncle had posted and makes Mr Joe Biden sound good in many ways. Now he’s announced his running mate and I would say that there is no way I would vote for him. Little likelihood of me voting for him anyway. 

But after researching his intended policies the intended policies in the article, it’s full of half truths. 

One example. 

Fracking. 

Federal land in his home state Pensilvania is 2.5%. 

As President he would not have control over the rest. Just the federal lands. Fracking would still go on as normal on state owned lands. 

In Utah, federal land is 64.9% of the state. Wyoming 48.1% 

Lots of people would be effected. Especially in my home town, Vernal, Utah and many other parts of the surrounding areas. It’s easy not to think or worry about some things that are further away.  

Now, the state of Utah gets most of its money for education from oil revenues. Where does most of the oil come from in the state. Uintah basin, Vernal and the surrounding area. 

So, it doesn’t take to much of a logical jump to assume that if Mr. Biden becomes president he will attempt to impose restrictions on fracking. That would lead to a very limited amount of money for education in Utah. Most of the money that the state of Utah uses for education comes from the oil industry. 

If I am wrong someone please correct me. 

The article was great article and painted Mr Biden in a great light. If it was sharing full truths that would be wonderful. I hate to even think about other misinformation it’s sharing. 

For eastern states it’s more applicable than western states. 

We live in a world that is stupid lately. If you watch the news you become more stupid. 

A picture of me. I wish my beard would come grow faster. 

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I need to do something. 

Write every morning. 

I’m still not doing as much writing as I want. But I have been getting some done. 

Floss teeth 

Not bad 

Volunteer

Sure. 

Budget

I need to do better. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Ok

Spend time in nature

Sure. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

Not bad

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I think I am not the person that can do sourdough will, maybe I will just stick with other. 

4 August 2020..you have to click through to see both photos

So a little play I had from yesterday 

Numbers are from the CDC and the census bureau

 154,471/4,648,102=0.03322599

3% of the people that get the virus die. Sad, but it’s a fact of life. 97% survival rate. 

4,648,102/328,200,000=0.01416241

People that get the virus is slightly more than 1% of the entire US population. 

154,471/328,200,000=0.00047066

Way less than one percent of the US population die. 

Chance of getting struck by lightning 

1 in 700,000 according to National Geographic 

You are more likely to be hit by lightning than die from carona virus. 

Not die from lightning strike. Just be hit. 

 

So this whole country has gone insane 

Me

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I need to get out in my wheelchair more. 

Write every morning. 

I sent my IPad to keep my “locked out” for some time in the morning. Also to set reminders to write, instead of watching TV all day. 

Floss teeth 

I seem to be doing pretty good right now. I just need to keep my schedule. 

Volunteer

Yeah. 

Budget

My bank website was not working this morning. But I will try later. Also I think I have been double budgeting a few things. I need to have someone help and double check me. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad

Spend time in nature

Yesterday it was raining. I still went out for a few minutes. I do need to go outside more. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I think that with me blocking my iPad for some time I will be able to study my scriptures better. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I think this weekend would be a great time to bake some bread. 

I have been so busy the past few weeks. I am tired and want to just listen to audiobooks or play on my tablet or something. 

31 July 2020......Day 4. Hmmm

Day 4

Something I am bothered by is how we, as humans, think we are so smart. 

Logic and emotion. 

Both are needed. 

The way I see it, God communicates with us constantly. Sometimes by logic. Sometimes by emotion. He is the Master of both. Both are needed. 

Make up your mind. 

Ask if that is right. 

Sometimes the answer is yes. 

Sometimes we don’t get an answer but forget what the question even is. 

Sometimes He leaves it up to us to decide. 

Are we asking to know something or do something?

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

I want to. It’s just hard to be consistent for many reasons. 

Write every morning. 

It has been hard to want to do anything recently. I am starting to get better and I think writing needs to take priority.

Floss teeth 

Pretty good. I’ve got to stick to my schedule. 

Volunteer

Sure I guess. 

Budget

I need to do better. I have been trying to correlate all my bank accounts, automatic payments, and budgets.  I have so many things right now I am very busy. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad

Spend time in nature

Going outside for a while each day is all in up to right now. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

Not bad. I read President Nelson’s talk this morning. One thing that jumped out to me was, “I promise that as you increase your time in temple and family history work, you will increase and improve your ability to hear Him.”

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I tried a recipe that was supposed to be super soft bread. It was not as soft as I would have hoped for. I think I need to do some research and try again. 

Now something different. I find myself torn. I have been an Apple enthusiasts for years. Now I find myself needing to help my son who spends entirely to much time on his phone. I’m not worried about what he is looking at, just how much time he is on the phone playing games and watching videos. 

With Apple parents have control until the person is Twelve. The day a person reaches thirteen parents seem to have very little control. 

I have been contemplating getting my son and myself Android phones for the simple fact that I could limit his screen time more easily. That is what I understand anyway. 

Someone please educate me. 

I don’t want a tracking device. I don’t want to listen in on conversations. All I want to do is limit screen time so my son will be a member of the family. 

I am truly at a loss. So many things for his and my situation require a phone. Also in this day and age phones are almost a requirement. 

29 July 2020...

Small aside. MainEvent was fun and the children had a blast. 

Day 3

So I have been watching The Big Bang Theory for a while. It’s an irritatingly funny show. 

My opinion after watching it and then comparing it to life is that Sheldon Cooper is more like President Trump than most people care to admit. The things Sheldon does are contrived and meant for comic effect. If it was real life I have no idea how a person like that would not get hit every day. 

In many ways the comedy works. I still find myself wanting to punch Sheldon in the head at times. 

It’s always been obvious that something is not quite normal about the president. Is he crazy?  As a former mental health professional I would say no. Still it is obvious that his pistons fire in a different order than many people are comfortable with. 

In not to many words he gets things done. That is reason enough, in my opinion, to make people mad at him. Especially in an industry, politics, that thrives on accomplishing as little as possible in as long a time as possible. President Trump has been able to do a lot. Imagine if Congress was working with him. Democrats and Republicans have each been doing what they can to slow him down as much as possible. 

He is in office as a Republican sure. Still he is essentially partiless. 

In my opinion the Republicans that controlled both houses in Congress the first two years he was in office did nothing to help him. They were obstacles that said they wanted to help, then didn’t do much. The Democrats were and still are a little more brazen about there trying to block the president’s efforts. 

So we, as a people in the US. Have a president that most likely never wanted to be president, but decided it would be the best thing he could do to help the country he loves and cares for deeply

28 July 2020....Day 2

Day 2

So a few things about me. 

I have watched a show off and on since I got out of the hospitals a few years ago, Ancient Aliens. Kind of fun but so full of assumptions and holes I don’t know how anyone takes it serious. You have to stop yourself from wanting to throw the TV out the window at times. That said it has helped me learn one thing. 

There are things  science can’t explain. Lots of things. 

If you want to find out about some of the things that scientists can’t explain, look on the internet there is lots out there. 

My personal opinion, most of what people accept as “science” is a new form of a Religion. It knows lots of things. It makes the assumption that it is the only answer for most things. Most religious organizations suffer from a similar flaw. They think they know everything. 

Science is important. 

Religion is important. 

As I see it they are two “religions” in there own right that are trying to compete with each other. 

If you rely only on science, you are only getting part of the picture. 

If you rely only on religion, you are only getting part of the picture. Either way if you rely on one more than the other, that sounds like the pinnacle of arrogance.

27 July 2020......Day 1. No frills

I have been writing quite a bit so I will post for the next few days. 

Day 1

We live in a world that is...I would call it stupid right now. If I wasn’t in a wheelchair, I would go live with some isolated African tribe and escape all the modernization and “conveniences”. 

“But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.”  Alma 29:3 

I’m alive in the 21st century. 

If I wasn’t born during this time period and in the place I was, I would most likely be dead now. 

But that’s another story. 

I have been looking at the presidential candidates. I would say more than any other time people are forced to choose the lesser of the evils presented. 

The libertarian candidate has a few nice ideas but some ideas I could never support. 

The Democratic candidate has been in federal political office for longer than anybody should be. Borderline dementia. Some of his ideas are as slippery as an eel. It’s like hearing 1=0. Looking at him I would say it’s it is the epitome and definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

The Republican candidate. There is lots not to like.  Still he gets things done and tries to do things he has said he will do in as timely a manner as possible. Not that he’s a real Republican. But, that’s how he is running. The President, he does things I don’t like, but he throws a monkey wrench into the status quo. He can’t be defined as a typical “Republican”. Especially since I would say the Republicans in Congress when he entered office were as obstructing as the Democratic House is now.

So I was watching a video and thinking. 

Right now most people will cast their vote like this.

They will vote for the president 

OR

They will vote against the President. 

I highly doubt that anyone will vote FOR any one who is not the president. 

Those people may get votes. 

Only because whoever it is, is NOT the President. 

Democrat candidate will only get votes because he is not President Trump. 

Libertarian candidate will only get votes because she is not President Trump. 

The only platform any candidate has is they are not President Trump. 

8 July 2020......oh brother.

I find myself upset, beyond rational thought, about things I have no control over. 

Even if I hadn’t had a stroke I would have no control over. 

I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. 

I won’t share exactly who the people are because no one would be able to do anything about the concerns I have. 

I have learned, mostly since the stroke that we, individually, have very little control over many things in our lives. 

Me and the stroke for example. It was partly breakage partly blockage. Either one can cause trouble by itself. I had both happen. 

I don’t have any of the possible indicators. 

I don’t drink. Never have. 

I don’t smoke. Never have. 

At the time I was running a lot. Usually five miles three times a week. 

So, that was ok. I didn’t die. 

Still, a blood vessel in my brain clogged. Another broke. 

If you want to say I’m lucky or unlucky you are probably right. 

There is only so much I have control over and even that can present limitations. I do what I can. 

One thing I laugh about is people trying to control things that we, as humans, have no control over. Anything that involves other people is normally out of our control.  Things we individually need to decide are; 

Can I persuade others to agree with me about this? 

Can I personally do anything? 

What if no one wants to join me?

So a little about my goals. 

Running type exercise

 I can’t run by myself. I can try a treadmill. I have. It can wear me out quick. I have my manual wheelchair. It is not easy for me to push myself. I need someone to push me over and past the threshold for my front door. Still, I want to get out more. Not the best. Not the worst. 

Write every morning. 

Writing with one finger on a tablet is slow. Somedays I am to tired to do a damn thing. I try to avoid watching TV. Some days it’s the only thing I have strength to do. Still I have been trying to write more. Maybe someday I will do good. 

Floss teeth 

Thank goodness for flossers that can help me. Plane floss would leave me out of luck. I’ve been doing better lately. 

Volunteer

I can’t do what I would prefer. About the only thing I can do is throw money at problems. Oh well. Another thought. Money is bull shit, you have to spread you have to spread it out to help things to grow. 

Budget

I can’t do much at times. I need to do better. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Not bad. 

Spend time in nature

I will go outside. In summer like right now it’s way to hot to want to be out. Winter has some nice days but usually it’s to wet and cold to be comfortable. At least there is rarely snow. 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

 Not doing bad.

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week, hopefully sourdough. 

I have been overwhelmed by bread. 

I have been thinking I need to back bread just once a month. Normally I would just give it away, but everyone thinks death is going to take them if they go out. 

17 June 2020......to much bread😳😑

Apricot nut whole-wheat. 

12 June 2020.......life is so complicated. It doesn’t need to be.

Photo of me

Photo of the bread I made

I had some trouble finding the word “physician”, mainly because I can’t spell. I had to download a dictionary with a thesaurus. 

There are only 7 uses of the word “physician”    in the New Testament. Here are most of them. 

Matthew 9

12 But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.

Mark 2

17 When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Mark 5

26 And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse,

Luke 4

23 And he said unto them, Ye will surely say unto me this proverb, Physician, heal thyself: whatsoever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in thy country.

Luke 8

43 And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,

44 Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.

So Christ is he Master Healer.physician. surgeon.  He allows us to help at times. 

We need to work as surgeons, in ways the Savior will guide. We have to be judicious enough to know how to do something that my cause pain for a short time, but can help in immeasurable ways. 

If you were to ask me to be your surgeon for an operation, you better prepare yourself to die. I was a mental Health professional. I only talked. I was the kind of “physician” that helps untangle the yarn that is in your head. 

I know all to well that the physical and mental are connected in such a way that they can’t be separated. Example. I went and visited a psychologist last year. After two sessions I discovered that I was frustrated and mentally “unhinged” because I can’t physically do certain things. Thanks stroke. So I have had to teach myself that life is ok even though I can’t do some things. I’ve got a very good grasp on the reality of life. I don’t have to like the reality I am given, still it’s my reality. If I want I can invent bionic trousers and maybe I can walk. 

I think that one of the biggest problems now days is that so many people think they need to enjoy and love everything they do. I don’t think life has ever worked that way. 

We are all a metaphorical “physician” or “surgeon” at something. At times we need someone who is more experienced than we are at something; mechanics, business, computers, homemakers, everyone needs a little help. That is what theSavior is available for. No one is an expert at everything. The closest thing to an expert at everything is a mom, maybe a grandma. Just ask their children or grandchildren. 

Back to the point. Everyone needs to know how to wisely and judiciously hurt in order to help. We can know if we will ask, pray. 

Somethings in this world are crazy right here now. I’ve come to the conclusion that to many things are not worth my time. I’ve had that thought for some time. Just learning it again. 

In this crazy world are we going to metaphorically run after every snake that bites us. We would die before the snakes do. 

We don’t need to look for the snakes. Some will find us whatever we may do. So much depends on what we can individually control. What can I control? What would I like to control? How can I get there?

So a little about my current goals. 

Running type exercise

I got my manual wheelchair back. Someone helped me go outside. The wheels on my chair rubbed against my arms and hands badly. I have sores that hurt on both arms and both hands. Not my idea of a good time.  So I got some arm guards and gloves and I will try again. 

Write every morning. 

Could be better but not doing bad. 

Floss teeth 

I say good 

Volunteer

Not bad. 

Budget

It is taking some effort but I’m getting there. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

Fine 

Spend time in nature

Part of me does not want to go outside. It is hot. Still I go. The heat can take a lot out of me. 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

For some reason I only want to read conference talks. 

I stumbled across a video on you tube about possible Book of Mormon archeological evidence. Totally blew some of my ideas I had out of the water. Did things happen in the US or Central America?  I will just say I don’t think the Central America idea holds much validity. Ultimately where it happened is not the main point. It happened and was recorded so that we have another witness that Jesus is the Christ. 

The archeological stuff is fascinating but in so many ways secondary to the teachings from and about the Savior. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week, hopefully sourdough. 

I got my bread made this week. One was olive bread.