5 February 2021

I have a somewhat unique understanding of people and my relationship to them. Maybe not to unique I hope. I really don’t worry to much about the day people die, I am more concerned with when people where born. 

I don’t know the exact date my father died, except that it was sometime in August. I had pneumonia and at times I wanted to die myself. That might have been because I was so sick.  

I do know my father’s birthday, 30 April. Same with my grandma Aleda. January 11. My grandpa Lars. November 9. My grandma Zina. September 7. My other grandpa died when I was 2 so I never got to learn it. My mother is August 23. Her husband is August 21. I always get them confused. 

I know the birthday of all my siblings. 

I know the birthday of all my children. And their mother. 

My fiancé and some of her children. 

Why?

Because  it is more important to celebrate that someone lived than that someone died. 

“Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die,” Doctrine and Covenants 42:45

It is more important that you live, and live well in a way that benefits others,  everyone dies at some point. 

I would want the whole world to have a party because I lived so well. All the tears are happy tears. Not because I died but because I was born. You will see everyone again. Some people may not agree with me. You will. 

For example years ago when my grandpa Lars died, I got to know my youngest cousin. To give you some context, my cousin is the same age as my oldest son. 18 now. I’m 47. So 29 years difference. I’m the oldest of all the cousins on my mom’s side of the family. I wrote some emails with him for a while. Then, out of the blue I had a stroke. I finally started going through my email months later, I had over 4,000 emails. One was from my young cousin. It was so nice. He was basically saying good bye because he thought I might die. 

So. Be the person that people can be happy lived. That is, and should be more important than the fact you die. 

21 January 2021....my last political thoughts for my blog.

I think Donald J. Trump was the best president in my lifetime up to this point. I know he said things that infuriated a lot of people but facts don’t care about how someone feels.

I do not like Joe Biden. I do not like Kamala Harris. But as of January 20 Mr. Biden is my president? Why? Because I am an American. I refuse to act like a child like the crying ?people? who claimed Trump wasn’t their president for the last 4 years.

We now have a man with possible dementia and questionable intellectual prowess, and a woman who couldn’t even garner 1% support in the democratic primaries. 

Do I think Biden will be a good president? No. But do I wish for his failure? No. Why? Because I am an American and I don’t want to see America fail.

Do I wish death upon Biden just because I don’t like him? No. Again, I’m not like the heartless ?people? who prayed for Trump’s death for the last 4 years just because they didn’t like him.

Do I think the left is using Biden as a pawn? Yes, most likely. I hope I’m wrong. I believe he won’t be president long. Someone will claim he is unfit due to mental instability/dementia and invoke the 25th Amendment which will make Mrs. Harris president, which was probably their the goal all along. To have a female president. It’s the most plausible reason why Harris would agree to be his running mate when she claimed he was a racist and a rapist.

Do I think the election was fair? No.  But that won't stop me from voting again because every vote should count, but I will be watching closely as should all Americans.

Do I trust my government? State? Yes. School board? Mostly. Federal? Very little. City? Very little. 

I fear for the next 4 years. I fear for our economy. I fear for small business owners. I fear for our healthcare. I fear for our Bill of Rights. I fear for our Constitution. I fear for what’s to come after these next 4 years. I fear for what this country is turning into.

But I hope and pray I am wrong, because I am an American and I want America to succeed. It is the last, best, earthly hope.  I wish only the best for our country. May God help us all!!!! Please pray for our country and for our people.

 

Having said that, I hope Joe is successful and he and his administration do a great job, weather he got there legally or not, he is POTUS. As of right now it feels to me like I’m a kid in the back seat of a car that has just been stolen and I pray the criminals don’t crash before the car is safely returned. 

Some tidbits to look at for future reference. 

As President Donald J. Trump prepares to leave the White House, I am making some statements. I am genuinely curious what the next 4 years will bring:

 1 day before the Biden/Harris Inauguration.

• Gas is currently $1.89 per gallon.(San Antonio)

• Interest rates are 2.25 percent for a 30-year mortgage.

• The stock market closed at 30829.40 though we have been fighting COVID for 11 months.

• Our GDP growth for the 3rd Qtr was 33.1 percent.

• We had the best economy ever until COVID and it is recovering well.

• We have not had any new wars or conflicts in the last 4 years.

• North Korea has been under control and has not been testing any missiles.

• ISIS has not been heard from for over 3 years.

• The housing market is the strongest it has been in years.

• Homes have appreciated at an unbelievable rate and sell well.

• 4 countries have signed peace deals in the Middle East.

• Unemployment sits at 6.7% in spite of COVID.  

Biden takes over on 1-20-21. Let's see how the next four years fair.   

I think Donald J. Trump was the best president in my lifetime up to this point. I know he said things that infuriated a lot of people but facts don’t care about how someone feels

10 January 2021..........uh

So I have been noticing I have a hard time writing, or at least wanting to write. I want to watch TV most of the time. Watching TV is so easy at times. You just let whatever is on fill up your brain. Sometimes that is nice. Ultimately, there needs to be some kind of output. To make sure we, as individuals are not filling up with crap. We might be taking in good and not as good. Still we need a relief valve of sorts. We have to be very selective about what we are letting into our minds, into our souls. Some things can’t be given a place within us. We need to be aware of what we are taking in; food, spiritually, intellectually, socially, medically. It is all interesting. Interconnected. 

So, I have been so tired so much of the time recently it confuses me. I hate talking/writing about how I am tired because then I feel more tired. But then I don’t write about anything. 

I am so tired of the waiting involved in life at times. This is one of those times. I have to maintain my hope and faith. 

I have come to the conclusion that most political stuff is a joke. A bad joke at that. National/Federal politics I think is basically a three ring circus. State, county, city, and school board is more important. It’s just not given as much attention. 

My city is to big. It is almost as big a joke as the federal government. The city and the county are essentially the same thing. 

This so-called “pandemic” is a real pain. It is mainly an excuse to let some people get away with providing half baked service on somethings. Hospitals might be busier now that it’s cold. The bodies have not been pilling up in the streets. Some hospitals my be having a more difficult time than others. If it is so bad send some of the patients to other hospitals that aren’t being slammed. People may not like the way I talk. Your entitled not to like my thoughts. 

Maybe some areas of the country are being affected more than others. I haven’t seen anything where I am. I live next door to an emergency room. I have seen one ambulance there in the few months it’s been open. Granted I am not outside all the time looking to see who’s coming and going. 

In a nutshell. The world  is nuts. 

Most politics. Nuts. Insane.  

Most medical stuff. Nuts

So up until the past month or month and a half, I think President Trump did ok. Not the greatest at times but he got things done. Many good things. He was, I would say, quite open about many things. 

I think he was very pragmatic. A person I sent a message to thinks Mitt Romney is pragmatic. So I would love to have a discussion with someone that thinks Mitt is pragmatic. I am not going to lie, I don’t see it. Still, I’m willing to, and would love to, discuss it if someone else is willing.

I honestly can only imagine one reason why Joe Biden May be a good president. I would say that he my be a good person. That does not mean he will be a good president. We will see. 

Elections need reforming, if a candidate is going to the Federal level, the Federal government should have ultimate say about what is going on. State elections, the individual state should have final say. Local government takes care of local elections. If you don’t like the way a city or state runs, move. Basically, when in Rome, do as the Romans.

 

So many are pushing to impeach the President. There are better ways they can use their time and the people’s money. We have less than two weeks until Joe Biden is sworn in. Honestly I would worry more about those that want to get rid of the President than anything else

15 December 2020....if you want to see the photos you have to click through.

So, to start with I am getting fat. It’s been happening for about two years. Before that I never got hungry or full, now I do. It is very hard for me to exercise and I get very tired of apples, the only fruit that is durable enough for me to store for any meaningful time. 

I have been growing my beard from a year now. 

I was watching a ZZ Top video the other day. I think the one guy has three years of growth. I’ve got my work cut out for me if I want to get there. I would like to be able to get it into a pony tail or braid it. I was looking at a picture of Joseph F Smith. That beard he had was probably two or more years of growth. Here a few photos of my beard as it’s been growing over the past year. 

I deleted over 4,000 photos my children made. They weren’t even real photos. They. We’re screenshots. Fun stuff when you take them. Clutter. 

I have tried not to look at Facebook and I haven’t followed the news for a while anyway. This presidential election has been a fiasco. It has always been about the blind leading the stupid. Who is which? Take your pick. Candidates? Voters? News media? Senate? Representatives? 

16 November 2020

So I have come to the conclusion that I am trying to do to much, again. It always happens. Some things don’t need to be done everyday. Some things do. So let me review my ongoing goals. 

Still here’s a picture of my cat

Running type exercise

I don’t have to do that everyday or even every other day. If I get maybe twice a week that is more than awesome. 

Write every morning. 

I don’t have to write the same thing everyday. Maybe one day I will write a poem. Another day work on a play. Maybe work on a novel. It is novel writing month. Maybe just write in my journal. 

Floss teeth 

I have not been wanting to because I put it off until later at night.That makes it so I don’t want to do anything. 

Volunteer

I have discovered many things I can do. Still I would be bad at moving a couch. Offering money so people can get a moving van that I can do. 

Budget

This one is tricky for me. Part of me thinks it should be done everyday. That’s probably overkill. Once or twice a week I can reconcile my account with what I planned for and do something. 

I came to, what I think, is an important understanding. Budgets are done before you receive money. After you receive the money it is no longer budgeting. It could be called accounting, you are accounting, making sure you know where everything has gone. I need to account for where all my money goes. There are always unexpected things. Still prior planning prevents pitiful performance. 

No robbing/borrowing from savings 

I think I've got a pretty good system set up. Now I just need to keep maintaining it. 

Spend time in nature

I really need to do something here. Going outside of my apartment is just not enough. Being outside is great. I went to a state park with my children a few weeks ago. I was able to handle the small nature trail. I went with my children to the trail head. It was beyond rough and way to steep for my chair in parts. I went about 100 yards then turned around. I just waited for the others to go on the trail and come back. I thought going outside was sufficient. I would say it’s not. I need to go out to national park or something once a month. Be in real undeveloped nature. 

 

Read Book of Mormon daily Read General conference talks daily 

I have been doing this. Slow and steady. 

Bake at least one loaf of bread a week month , hopefully sourdough.

I need to do better I had to buy bread from the store. I hate most store bought bread. Bread is so simple to make bread at home. I don’t care as much for sour dough. It’s good if you have the skills. I don’t think I do. 

So that’s my analysis of life right now. 

One thing I want people to do is click though to see the actual blog I might start posting multiple pictures so in order to see them all you have to click though. I’m not sure on all the details yet. 

Maybe I will only share half a post. 

Here’s me. 

Now something different. My opinion. Some people say hospitals are over crowded with carona virus patients. Some people I’ve talked to that are nurses say they have plenty of room and then some. If this pandemic is as bad as everyone claims, I think it would make more since to cross level the patients between all the hospitals. Every hospital should be helping to lighten the load of the other hospitals. 

My opinion. If any hospital is insanely busy with carona virus patients and they are not willing to transfer patients....whatever. 

Finally, the presidential race this year has been the blind leading the stupid. Who’s blind? Who’s stupid? Take your pick, you are right. 

More importantly who will school board and city officials be. 

My cat again 

4 November 2020...... I really would like comments on this one

4 November 2020

So I posted and shared on Facebook yesterday that I have no desire to know who the winner of the presidential race is. I didn’t realize at the time what else would be effected. I will try to innumerate the things I have discovered. 

So if I don’t want to know who won the presidential race I can’t watch TV. At least the broadcast type. So streaming; Netflix, amazon, etc. 

I can’t spend time on Facebook. The app I use to post my blog makes it possible for me to post on Facebook without going on Facebook. That way I won’t get news or current events. 

I can stay away from Twitter. Nothing but current events there anyway 

No you tube, unless I can figure out a way to select what comes through. 

I can write more in my journal and pick and choose the bits that I want to share. In fact I’m doing that right now. 

I can spend more time on my budget and organizing how and where my money will go. 

Now that I will actively being trying to avoid the news and writing about how I will avoid it I can see there are many things I will be able to do that I wasn’t able to do before. 

So how will I keep up on current events? 

Well after I give myself a chance to detox, I can start looking at newspapers online. I can decide for myself and don’t need to let the talking heads decide what I should hear. 

So my desire to not know who the winner of the presidential race is, has far reaching consequences. 

If you can think of something, good or bad about my decision please let me know. Please write your comments on the blog comment section. I’m trying to avoid Facebook as much as possible

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15 October 2020.....happy birthday

Want to see a picture of me first thing in the morning? 

Scary huh. 

I am so disgusted at some of the choices I have allowed myself to make since my mission, when I was 21 years old.  Not that I have done anything that is “wrong”, but I have not allowed myself to be guided in a way that would have been best. 

The Lord told me time and time again, what would work the best. I did my own thing time and time again. Ultimately everything was my choice. Why I choose the way I did I will probably never understand. Sometimes I was told to do something. I choose to do something else. 

I am not happy about some of the choices I have made. 

I listened and tried to do as the Lord directed before my mission. In some cases I thought I new better after my mission and that was probably the time I needed Him most.

I talked with a friend that I was close to from that time. I ask why he or someone else didn’t forcefully just tell me what I needed to hear. He mentioned that I probably would not have listened. He’s most likely right. The fact is I still probably needed some kind of wake up call. 

I finally got my wake up call, so to speak.  I’ve had a stroke and me trying to do my own thing is not as easy as it used to be.  In fact it can be a bad joke at times. My ability to do lots of things I want to do, is extremely limited. I am forced to focus on what I want to do the most. “Full purpose of heart” must be part of my life. 

If I am working on anything am I focused on what I intended to be doing.  If I am getting ready to go somewhere, am I focusing on getting ready or going somewhere else. For example, if I am getting ready for church, is getting ready my focus or something else. 

I’m not the biggest fan of double tasking. Basically I see it as asking someone to provide lower quality work. That doesn’t mean life doesn’t throw multiple things at us at times so we have to do our best. 

I decided to watch some TV news. Bad idea.  I think I could feel myself loose IQ points. I’d say, it doesn’t matter what you watch; FOX, CNN, MSNBC, etc.,etc., a person becomes less intelligent the more they watch. 

So I don’t know when or how or why exactly it happened but dying is not something I want to have happen. I still don’t care if it does happen. I was just rereading what I wrote before and it doesn’t make sense to me. So I changed it.  I hate the fact that I had a stroke. It is not fun in many ways. I would not wish it on anyone. Still I don’t want to die. 

Now I should clarify. I have never been suicidal. I just do not care if I die. Dying is just the ultimate price for living on this earth. Now I’m having a pretty good time living and being human. Sure there are lots of things that aren’t ideal, whatever ideal is. But life is pretty good. 

I feel like I have had a second aging process. I have always been my physical age. My emotional age has gone from a child of about 5-10 to my 46 year old self since the stroke happened. In a way some of my systems had to reboot after the stroke. Now I’m version 2.0. The reboot process was, and is, slow. Maybe it is still going on in some ways. Over the last year and a little bit I have noticed differences. Some things I remember, but I have to concentrate on some of them more than I have had to the past.