A movie that I like a lot is "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". The book is great also. I highly recommend reading it or rereading it. I recommend the most recent movie. The main character Arthur Dent lays in front of a bulldozer in order to stop his house from being demolished. A person tells him his house needs to be remove. Arthur's response, "We'll see who rusts firsts." I quite like that response and feel that way myself at times.
I have a lot to say. If you read or share this with your kids I suggest you review what I say from here on out before you do this time. There are no "bad" words. It might be kind of concerning what I say. Your call.
I can be ruthless. I do not like that part of me. It exists none the less.
I can usually see a better way. Some times it is impossible for me to go that way. Once I start down a path it is very hard, if not impossible, for me to change my course. I have tried and failed. Not times than I care to think about. I can "see" a better way but for whatever reason I cannot change course. I can "stop" myself with considerable effort but by then the damage is usually done.
I have be thinking about what to post for a few days now.
I posted this the other day.
Linus: My lifestyle makes your lifestyle possible.
David: I resent that.
Linus: So do I.
Sebrina (1996).
I am sure people have their own thoughts about why I share that quote. I dare say whatever you think is most likely wrong. Money is not something I am overly concerned about. I do have my concerns about money but not as many as some would think. Like has been said "they are printing more of it (money) every day."
I am an intensely private person. Pretty much impossible for me now. I have never liked people to talk about me or my situation. To bad for me, especially since my stroke. I had a stroke. In many ways I would say leave it at that. There is nothin l, or anyone can do to change that fact. The fact that other people talk about me as if I am some sort of "entertainment" bothers me incessantly. There have been times when I excuse myself to leave for a time and hope that without my presents the subject will change from me. Often it doesn't. I am not a person who likes to be the "topic" of conversation. If you are using my life to give you "social mileage" I ask you to please stop. You may think "Oh, I am not saying anything bad." The fact is, it's my life and not other people's entertainment. If I am not there with you, I would conceder the fact that you are talking about me Gossip. I said the G word. There goes life again. Maybe you aren't saying anything "bad" about me. The fact that I am not there to "defend" myself is very frustrating. I know some people might consider what I write "harsh". Get over it. If people talk about me please stop. That seems to be the thought.
I have moments that I think I can do no wrong and then I very much regret what I have done or said. I shared a possible blog post with a friend. It was overly ruthless and personal. I have rewritten it at least three times. Most likely more. In many ways I like writing because it gives me a kind of filter that talking doesn't. Writing is very hard for me. Talking is very hard for me. Both talking and writing can have there advantages and disadvantages. You choose for yourself which you prefer.
There are people that have had the misfortune of experiencing my "nasty" side. If you are ever around when it comes out I am sorry. There have been people that have had the displeasure of experiencing my ugliness and still tolerate me anyway. All I can say is thank you for being willing to continue working with me.
I was very surprised at how I can be at times. Especially after I reread some of my own abuse. I dare call it that because I would have a very hard time getting past what I may say. I am very grateful that there are people that can be so forgiving.
Once when I was at the hospital the Nurse that helped me get to bed was very late. I tried to think of the most kind and polite things I could say and just brush off the fact that he was late. As soon as he came into my room everything I intended was out the window. I lost all control. I have had similar experiences that end just as bad. I hate that it can be just as hard for me to maintain control. There was another nurse that was a reservist. He offered me some advice. I thought while he was talking to me, what he was saying made sense. The problem was that I had tried what he was saying. Lots of people had mentioned it to me in some fashion. The simple fact is I would love things to be easier for me. It would be easier for others as well.
I live across the street from a Target. Several restaurants are near also. I love the fact that things are so close to me. If I have to, or really want to, I can go in my chair to do different things. Some things are so difficult for me that I have learned that it is much easier for someone else to help me. I can do quite a lot myself, to many people's surprise. I get tired so easily by some things that it is much easier to let others help me, as much as I can dislike others to do things for me.
I have been doing a lot of thinking. I think that being what is called a snowbird, or winter Texan, might be the right idea for me. Utah or Alaska. Maybe both.
There are so many things about my life that I would like to have more control over. Who wouldn't.
I have been considering a new wheelchair. I thought I would send out a couple examples of what I have been considering. If you have any thoughts I would love to hear them.
http://youtu.be/bTmv0aB7P0o
http://www.ezlitecruiser.com/products/ez-lite-cruiser-deluxe-dx12?variant=4207296836
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