7 July
It's my half birthday. At any rate it's my unbirthday. I have been so tired and so not wanting to do anything, I even forget there are other things I want to do. I must be really tired lately.
I went out for a while last night and I was tired before I left. On the return trip I could tell I was slurring my words and talking in general was not easy. That's my life.
8 July
Yesterday I went to the gym.
I came home.
I was really tired.
Didn't want to go anywhere.
I finally decided to go to the bank.
Went.
Came back.
9 July
We went to the wounded warrior breakfast yesterday. Then splash town. I sit in the shade the whole time we go. But it can still be really hot. I buy drinks. Yesterday we went to sonic after the water park. Best idea in a while. Then we arrived at home. Everyone was exhausted. They took showers or baths. We didn't want to do anything.
Eventually we finished our jerky, made dinner and I went to bed. It was a day that was to fun. I'm definitely going to need some recovery time.
10 July
Yesterday was nuts. My son was sick with a fever when he woke up. I wasn't feeling the best myself.
We still got lot of things accomplished. We got some jerky made. The children helped with dinner. We went to church. The children caught some Pokémon. It was a great day and a glorious weekend.
11 July
I was so tired yesterday I could hardly stand it. I woke up so early this morning I wanted to cry. I hate just laying in bed. Sometimes I just really want to sleep though and I really don't like sleeping in my chair.
We all have our own little lies to comfort us in some fashion. Honestly I'm ok with that. I have the biggest problem with the fact that sometimes we don't, or won't, recognize the fact that what we are trying to make the lie we live with reality. Not just for ourselves but for others as well.
I like to think I live in a world where I have to be brutally honest with with myself and everyone else. I can be. Most of the time I just let others go on thinking they are right. I have gotten to a point that if someone chooses to withdraw there service from me, I have figured out I will live. Maybe not as well. Life goes on.
12 July
I have come to the conclusion that today is a good day to rest.
In many ways I am bothered by the idea that I see from time to time of Freedom from religion.
16 July
I went to the store to look around yesterday. I am super sore this morning. I an not sure what's wrong, but something is.
Normally I would say, “I had a stroke “ . Something is different.
17 July
As tired and lacking energy as I was yesterday, I feel great today let's hope it lasts.
Yesterday wasn't bad. I got up went to church. Came home. Great day.
As crumby as I felt yesterday. I feel great this morning.
In some ways I feel bothered because that so many people think I need to do everything their way. It’s like if I don't I will die a horrible death. At least then I wouldn't have to hear the almost incessant complaining.
18 July
Something is not right with me. I feel so tired and it is so hard to move that I just don't know what to think or do.
I try not to interact with other as I feel so crumby and I usually say something that is mean to the point of brutality there are people that I may not like, but no one honestly deserves the brutality I can dish out when I an having a bad moment. I really try to keep the brutal side of me away from everyone. Sometimes it escapes.
I want and did labs and X-rays yesterday. I hope the doctor will find something that is fixable. We will see.
22 July.
I cannot believe how increasingly complex life is. I think that in some ways I have been playing catch up about some things that I should have known already. Now I am returning to a more human pace.
I was up later last night than I have been for a while. I hate staying up late. The worst part was that I had to get up to turn my alarm off this morning.
25 July
I am so tired.
Even for how I normally am.
I want to cry.
Then I want to laugh.
Then cry again.
I am beyond messed up.
29 July
Something is making me even more tired than normal. It's some kind of allergies. I went to the emergency room a few days ago. They found nothing. I have felt really crumby. I am not the only one.
30 July
Yesterday I didn't do anything. I was super tired and just laid there most of the day.
I have a theory about why I am so tired sometimes. Over the past four years I have been using the strength I had accumulated from before my stroke. Any extra I may have had is gone. Now I have to replenish my strength from time to time. I have been trying to use strength I didn't have and had not earned yet. Not the first time I've used what I hadn't earned yet and it most likely won't be the last.
That may not be how the human body works. But It does make since to me and in many ways it's a good analogy.
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