29 December 2022….sigh of relief

My life entails watching to many YouTube videos lately. 

COVID is a pathetic joke. I can go almost anywhere but in a few select buildings, a few select places, and a mask is required. Why? I can go to the cafeteria in the building and take off my mask, I can take off the mask to get a drink. I sat in the hallway eating a muffin and drinking hot chocolate. And I didn’t wear a mask once until I had finished my food. Miraculously I did not die as I went to my next appointment. 

If you go to the grocery store, there is a plexiglass screen between me and the cashier. But the cashier touched everything that I already touched in my cart. Then the person who helped bag my items I am purchasing touches lots, if not of the items. Then I take the items that have been touched, to my car, then to my house. If a person uses a grocery delivery service, someone loaded all the groceries in there car, then may have walked into my apartment. 

If any person has a compromised immune system for whatever reason, maybe you need to stay home more. Ask everyone not to enter where you live. Wear a plastic bubble suit when you go into public for whatever reason. Don’t eat or drink when you leave your home. 

One other thing about watching videos on YouTube is that I start to think I have more capacity than I do and I want to do things I don’t have the capacity to do. 

I have been watching videos about CNC for both metal and wood. I would love to make most of the projects I see. 

I don’t have the physical capacity. 

Most of the projects I want to do are very messy.  The setup is almost as involved as the projects themselves. I always forget about cleaning. Not because I don’t think it’s important, it is in many ways the most important, but hardly anyone I know thinks about clean up for a project. 

I don’t think about cleaning, beforehand, nearly enough. CNC routers look fun but the actual work that goes along with the is most likely beyond me. 

Plus I don’t have the space for most equipment because I live in an apartment. I can’t setup in a garage because I don’t have a garage. Cleaning up by myself is impossible. I need to be able to move my wheelchair around so organizing and having a clutter free environment are very important. 

I was talking with a friend and lamenting the difficulties I have moving my wheelchair everywhere in my apartment. He was confused because, at first glance, most people might say I have an almost immaculate apartment. In many ways I would agree. That said, if someone leaves their shoes, in a seemingly out of the way place, I still run over the shoes in my wheelchair or can’t get through.

 I don’t set up a traditional Christmas tree. I have one designed, using tinsel and lights on the wall. A real tree uses to much space. A few to many boxes or suitcases, that have not been put away and I am essentially “locked” in one location. Presents are starting to take up space now, but that will change soon. 

So, some of the activities that I think I would like to do use to much space. I don’t have the physical capacity to do them myself. 

I’ve come to the realization, AGAIN, that I need to spend most of my time DOING what I am CAPABLE of. Writing and typing on my tablet, designing different ideas I want to realize someday. I still have things that I want to do, but right now I need to think about what I can do by myself. 

I know people want to help me, but somethings, like going to the bathroom and some other things, a person just wants to do themselves. I said going to the bathroom because a few years ago, people had to change my diaper, and then after some time I started to use the toilet again by myself. 

So once again this world is stupid, and I can’t do a lot of things by myself so, there goes life again

24 December 2022……wow

So I was just watch The Ramsey show. He brought up the story of the Prodigal Son from the Bible. 

In the story/Parable the father welcomes the son back with open arms. But one thing I never realized, the father never ran after the son. The son had basically said when he ask for his inheritance, “father you are dead to me.”  So MENTALLY he had killed his father and taken the father’s money. The father did not go running after his son. 

 After the father saw the son returning the father ran to meet the son. The son was returning on his own. That is when the father went to him. 

This just helps me understand that running after a wayward child is not wise. Running to someone that IS coming to you is worth running to them. 

I am seeing some of what is written between the lines on some of the stories in the Bible.  But I’ve has some help. 

I was also reading C.S. Lewis, the book Mere Christianity. After hearing what has been quoted by apostles I came to a section about the Lords Prayer. It is interesting how it relates to other times the the Lord refers to Himself and others. 

“…., I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

Matthew.” 20:17

But in the Lord’s Prayer it is “Our Father….” Almost like it’s just me and the Savior. He is asking His Father and my Father. He is presenting us to the Father. Not because we have done anything ourselves but Christ is making up the difference. And because Christ is making up the difference it is “Our Father”. Christ and me. 

18 December 2022…..the most______time of the year

I was watching YouTube and the person mentioned “tax holidays”. I am not a fan. The only reason for “tax holidays” is to convince people to spend money. 

Duh.

 

Of course that is why they exist. 

The government wants people to spend money. 

So let’s just say you need $100 dollars worth of stuff. Any normal day you pay an extra $10, $9, $8, $7, maybe $6 in tax for the stuff you buy. But on a “tax holiday” You don’t pay the tax on select items. You still might pay tax. 

So why have a “tax holiday”?

Just so us peasants will buy things. 

It helps everyone feel like they are receiving a good deal. 

It makes everyone want to go shopping. 

That is exactly why I don’t like tax holidays. Everyone thinks they are getting a good deal. If you like fighting crowds, and saving maybe 10% on what you are going to buy anyway. 

Personally I hate navigating my way through crowds. I like people. I hate crowds. Mostly because I have a very difficult time in my wheelchair, and most people are not on the lookout for a person in a wheelchair. 

Anything that businesses do to convince more people to be there; Veterans Day discounts, tax holidays, sports events, etc., etc., I readily try to avoid. The crowds and frustration are not worth the pittance of savings.

29 November 2022……I would be a walking contradiction, if I could walk.

Most of what I share right now is based on my personal perspective in life, that said I think there is truth in it. If you don’t like what I have written that is fine. 

I have a very troubled opinion about theater/film/acting and anything related to them  and also, college/university in general. Education is very important. Still college/university is not the only way to get an education. There are so many good ways to educate yourself. College MAY be an option. 

First I have a college degree in theater and I used to have a teaching certificate. I was, and am, a very good teacher, but that is another story, for another time. Today I am talking about my university education in Theater/film. 

I love acting, costume design, set design and construction and many things associated with all that area. I love the teaching potential that exists with it.  I love to watch it. It is marvelous in so many ways. Theater and film can be a wonderful teaching tool. They need to be incorporated into more aspects of education. 

That said, the gospel of Jesus Christ is more important. I love the teaching potential that theater/film provide. If you do announce your conversation to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and his church, it’s easy to be black listed, dismissed from schools you are studying from or the industry in general. I know very few people that went through the theater/film/acting program that hold firm to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are people that probably “believe” but seem to hide the light they may have. As far as I can tell most are still good people in many ways, but the fire they used to have is gone. They seem to have a very good life still, but many seem to advertise achievements that are riding on the coattails of someone else, achievements by loose association. I have known people that had major rolls in church films, that for whatever reason are no longer in the film anymore or the film is impossible to find. I see it that any associated connection with the church or the gospel of Jesus Christ is a type of professional suicide.

My other concern/pet peeve is how theater/film especially acting is not taken seriously. I myself have a hard time taking someone with an acting degree, or most people who have a degree in theater or film seriously, and I have a theater degree.  Most of the jobs in theater/film and acting specifically, don’t require a degree. There are organizations in the film industry that want people to have a four year degree. But I still know people without degrees that work in that specific film area. A four year degree makes as much since in theater/film as it does for being an officer in the military most of the time. That’s another story also.

 

Theater/film and everything associated with it in most college studies, should not ever be an option as a major at all. Minor, special emphasis, something other than a major degree track for most people. Most of the professors should be professionals in the industry, in some form. If it is taught at university/college level it needs support from subjects that are not seen as being frivolous. I personally think everyone should have at least a minor in business. Business is the common denominator in everything. Art business , Healthcare business, engineering business, etc.,etc.  I could go on but I think you get the idea. Again, I love theater/film and most everything associated with it. That said I have seen firsthand the lack of respect and credibility anyone with a theater/film degree is given. I’ve been told theater is “The Study of Life”. That’s, I would say, a nice way of saying, “ jack of all trades master of none.”

Someone with a degree, doctorate in theater history and criticism, said they had a degree in history. The response was, “No you don’t. Theater history is not History.”

If you don’t work in theater/film it would be very difficult to “fake” your way through. It is, in many ways, a world of its own. That said, persons who work in theater/film are forced to work with the real world most of the time. 

Now, to finish, I am still sorely tempted to get headshots (pictures) and put together a resume so I can see what maybe is available for something like me. (Wheelchair bound, bearded, balding, with difficulty speaking) But it would take my time away from my chilli peppers. 

19 November 2022…..to much remembering recently.

I am so annoyed and angry at my stroke right now. 

My mother is having difficulties. I want to help, but my brain injury causes me to go over board and act idiotic. I have first hand information that could be helpful. That said the emotional part of my brain is to dominate for this situation. I want to help but everything I know and understand is very laden with the emotional part of this situation, because I had it happen to me already. 

I called my uncle and even though he was a great sounding board, he probably understood the situation better than I ever could and helped me to just vent and understand that it is a very emotional situation for all my siblings, but didn’t say that directly. 

Even though I have trained myself to be less emotional about many situations. I can get overwhelmed easily. The emotional part of my brain is the dominant part. I have, somehow, trained myself not to cry at everything, so much so, that when I need to cry I can’t. That said I was driving with my children the other day and I wanted to bawl for some reason. 

So recently I have been bombarded with emotional difficulties. 

Life is a pain. 

My wife has been helping me make bread. Everything bakes ok so far. It just doesn’t seem to mix up and rise like we want it to. We have made some awesome sourdough bread. It is definitely a slower process than using store bought yeast. But I am learning how to be more understanding of how long the process takes. 

I have other concerns. 

The elections past. Not much has changed. Most politicians are still scoundrels. Democrats, Republicans, most of them are not worth the time it takes to vote. I still vote. But I have little hope that any good will come from voting. Elections are not much more than a pacifier to the public at large. 

Reading and looking at that last paragraph, I must be more cynical than I realize. I like to think of myself as pragmatic. Still the only true pragmatist I think I have ever known is my grandpa. He may never have called himself a pragmatist, he was just himself. I sure miss his wisdom. I have a very difficult time describing his wisdom at times, because it seemed to be full of contractions. Still, some of the best wisdom. 

31 October 2022……happy Halloween

All right, Brazil has a new president. That’s fine. I don’t live there and I don’t intent to. 

My wife thinks the new Brazilian President is great. I’m not so sure. The value of the money became worth less to the point Brazilian money is almost worthless. Here in the US we are currently having our own stupid inflation. 

So I made a bet with her. 

Right now on google, R$1 (brasilian real) is equal to $0.19 US. R$5.17 equals US$1. 

So, this is the bet. If in four years, the length of the Brazilian presidency, or if something causes his Term to be shorter, we will compare the price of the Real, brasilian money, to the dollar. 

If US$1 equals R$5.17 or more she pays me R$ 1000 (brasilian money). If US$1equals less than R$5.17, I pay her US$1000 ( American money). 

I think I’ve got history on my side. When I was in Brazil 30 years ago, 1 Brazilian Real was about the same price as 1 US dollar. The past few years it has been in flux. US$1 Between R$3.75 to R$5. 

She thinks she is right just because the money in Brazil had more buying power for a time. 

Ultimately, the purpose of government is to distract from the use of real power. 

Tudo bem, o Brasil tem um novo presidente.  Isso é bom.  Não moro lá e nem pretendo.

 Minha esposa acha o novo presidente brasileiro ótimo.  Eu não tenho tanta certeza.  O valor do dinheiro passou a valer menos a ponto do dinheiro brasileiro quase não vale nada.  Aqui nos EUA estamos tendo nossa própria inflação estúpida.

 Então eu fiz uma aposta com minha esposa.

 Agora no google, R$ 1 (real brasileiro) é igual a $ 0,19 US.  R$ 5,17 equivale a US$ 1.

 Então, essa é a aposta.

 Se daqui a quatro anos, a duração da presidência brasileira, ou se algo fizer com que seu mandato seja menor, vamos comparar o preço do real com o dólar.

 Se US$ 1 equivale a R$ 5,17 ou mais, ela me paga R$ 1000 (dinheiro brasileiro).  Se US$ 1 for menor que R$ 5,17, eu pago a ela US$ 1.000 (dinheiro americano).

 Acho que tenho a história do meu lado.  Quando eu estava no Brasil há 30 anos, 1 real brasileiro era quase o mesmo preço de 1 dólar americano.  Nos últimos anos tem estado em fluxo.  US$1 Entre R$3,75 a R$5.

 Ela acha que está certa só porque o dinheiro no Brasil teve mais poder aquisitivo por um tempo.

Em última análise, o propósito do governo é desviar a atenção do uso do poder real.

19 October 2022…..down my rabbit hole a back out.

I have been down a rabbit hole of sorts recently. 

I have been fascinated with watches. All sorts. 

Swatch

Timex 

Casio

Sieko

Rolex

there are hundreds of watch brands. 

Now days Swiss watches are given the gold star as the best. But before world war 2 the US was best. Then the war caused companies to start making everything for the war effort, and watches became secondary. The Swiss kept making watches, and after the war were pretty good and by good I mean amazing. 

Then a few decades later quartz watches almost killed the entire mechanical watch industry. So slowly, mechanical watches evolved into a luxury. A marvel of art and craft and engineering. 

So here we are at the present. I have a much more accurate clock on my phone than any watch. Still I find myself wanting a watch. 

So maybe I need to make a watch. I discovered you can buy watch making kits. I don’t have the physical ability to build a watch. Plus the kit is $250 more or less. 

Buying a watch is anything from $10 to $500,000+. But at many instances you get what you pay for. 

Then I was watching a guy talking about watches on YouTube. One of his points that really jumped out at me, 

“Nobody cares about your watch.”

This statement made me wake up to the reality of the situation. If I want a watch, nobody cares if it is $60, $600, 6000, or $60,000. It’s just a watch. Maybe 1% of the population uses one. 

I was talking with my son, and he said, “I have a clock on my phone, most people do.” 

I really needed these little wake up calls. 

I still think there are lots of very fun watches out there, but for the time being I can handle buying a watch at Walmart, or Target, or some other brand that costs less than $100. 

I will save my pennies and maybe someday I will justify buying myself or my wife a watch that costs a lot more. But I want to get used to having money to throw around like bullshit and help the flowers grow. 

Now to a much more serious topic for a few moments. My mom is getting older. I already know I can’t do much. But I can ask for your prayers for her and for me and my siblings as we navigate things with her, we need all the wisdom we can get. All I can say is my mom has been selfless to her children until things are not the easiest for her. We need wisdom, my siblings and I and mom.

I hate putting this out there for the whole world to know, more than anything we need faith and wisdom. So all I ask is for your prayers. 

12 October 2022…..wow.

I went to the botanical gardens the other day. Very fun in some ways.  I guess it’s a good time of year for roses to bloom here. 

I am frustrated because my chili peppers are not growing nearly as well as as the ones at the botanical gardens. Granted, because I live in an apartment I have to grow in pots and that might not be something that helps. But I am somewhat frustrated I have worked for months on trying to get my chilis to produce. The plants flower, then they don’t produce fruit. Very frustrating. I don’t grow plants just to grow plants. I would like to have them produce fruit. Last year my chili provided lots of pod. This year nothing seems to want to do anything. It’s good temperature for a while then it gets to hot or to cold. 

I might be limited to the chili peppers I have already grow. In some ways that makes me sad, and somewhat depends. But then I can focus my time on other things.

 My wife can’t eat chili peppers anyway. She has to be careful about things that she can and cannot eat. The biggest frustration, we live In Texas. It is nearly impossible to find food that doesn’t use some kind of chili peppers. Years ago my brother came to visit. He got the chic-fil-a hot and spicy sandwich. He commented that it was more spicy than was sold in Wisconsin. So, I guess things are naturally spicier here. Our lives are somewhat complicated. 

A really weird thing I discovered yesterday. Walmart sells Rolexes. Yeah I think that was crazy to. In the drop down menu in gives to options, and in the brands listed there is Rolex. So, on the app, you can buy a 20,000 dollar watch and you could buy pizza rolls if you have enough money. If you don’t believe me go to the app or the site and see for yourself. 

21-23 September 2021….what a life.

So I have been watching TV almost all day. 

I have been noticing how my emotions react to some scenes. I want to start bawling, but the only reason I don’t, because I feel like I have to clench my buttcheeks and toss my head backwards slightly. What a life. 

I seem to be going backwards to try and make some advances forward. I have started going to a gym that focuses on people in wheelchairs and other disabilities. Quite a workout. 

As I was reading scripture and studying, Isaiah, the thought came to my mind God has always been a God of miracles. Some of the miracles were more obvious in old times. 

The increase in miracles has been happening for a long time. Lots of people have been a part of a miracle, whether they admit it or not. The thing is we live around so many miracles it is difficult to accept some things as miracles. 

For example cell phones and tablets, that is a miracle, but it is a miracle that snuck up on most of us. We live in a time of not stop miracles. Lights, heaters, toasters, photography, air fryers there are so many little miracles, it’s no wonder that many people think that miracles have ceased. Miracles have not ceased. The are everywhere. We can not wake up in the morning and not find a miracle in our bathroom, running water, hot and cold water. 

Supermarkets are a huge miracle. I can go to one and buy everything I need to make bread. I can go to most supermarkets and buy bread. Lots of different kinds. (The kind I can make is still better), but if you want to buy bread you can. Some things are just fun ideas, like avocado toast. 

So, I can understand why people think there are no miracles, almost everything around us, in the US, and many other nations, is a miracle. 

But I guess some people think that if everything is a miracle, nothing is a miracle. 

My biggest concern is that some people don’t want miracles to happen because they don’t recognize anything as being a miracle.

Most of us need miracles for out very survival. We rely on them more and more all the time, and there are people who, unwittingly, want us to try and live without miracles. 

16 September 2022…..so surprise, I had a stroke

I am fighting mad today. One of the people I loathe most in this planet said in a text to me that I use the fact that I had a stroke as an “excuse” for my “bad behavior”. 

That makes it sound like I choose to be in a wheelchair and every that goes along with it. 

The brain is responsible for at least three main functions. Movement for your body. Intelligence. Emotions. 

I have extreme difficulty with all at times. 

It’s painfully obvious I have physical difficulties. I use an electric wheelchair. I can not talk like most people. If you wanted you could ask a two year old to pull me out of my chair and start whaling on me. 

Intelligence, I don’t do to bad, but there are things I don’t remember from the time of my stroke. Overall I can still run intellectual circles around people. 

Emotions are painful for me. I can be the nicest person in the whole world. Or I can be a raving lunatic who thinks he’s smarter than god.  And I will not back down no matter how wrong I am. 

I had someone accuse me of over playing the fact I had a stroke. 

The people that I don’t want to be around me, and would not want to put up with  my stupidity are usually never around me. 

The people I want around me are, at times, forced to put up with my bad behavior.

The irony is strong with this one.  

I think that I really need to practice not talking more. 

The only response I could offer to the piece of work that said what she did was,”I hope you never have a stroke yourself.”

There are many other things I would have rather been doing this last 9 years. 

10 September 2022….what a week

God save the Queen. Long live the king. 

It’s sad that the queen has passed away. It is the end of quite an amazing era. 

I am American and I am very proud of my heritage, but I like many British things especially since I spent time in England several years ago. I gained a incredible appreciation for the land.  When I was in London and almost everywhere in England, I could see my grandmother in my mind’s eye. I mentioned it to her when I came back to the US she was not shy in saying she would never want to go. Oh well. Now I understand the decision not to travel. Since the stroke I had it has become increasingly difficult to travel. So now, for the most part, I don’t travel. 

I started writing this yesterday. I got sidetracked. 

8 September 2022…..yuck

I fell really yucky. I feel like I have the flu, so I’m staying home and watching TV or listening to audio books. I might sit on my porch and look at my plants. 

The only good thing about being sick is not having to go anywhere. I don’t want other people to be sick. So I don’t go anywhere. 

I was watching a news report about schools. The overall slant was teachers unions are bad. In someways I am inclined to agree. But it is a very interesting balancing act. Teachers interests and Students interests need to be constantly tied for first place. Parents need to be considered more when children are younger. By the the time children are in high school, the parents interests should be a smaller part of the equation. 

Federal involvement in education should be minor. What happens in a coastal city is not the same as what happens in a landlocked state. Unless the federal government wants to treat all schools similar to the military, and make everything the same from sea to shining sea. 

Personally I think the states need to be treated like separate countries, in most things. But I do like postal roads and things like that. 

I have been so happy about my peppers, or chilis or whatever you prefer to call them. They are starting to make lots of flowers after the summer heat. Part of the time here in San Antonio it is to hot for anything to set fruit. Peppers are fruit. From about June through August it is so hot nothing will grow well. But in spring and autumn it is perfect for growing. The only problem is that all of the big box stores stop selling, or haven’t started selling garden stuff for the year. They generally sell things when it is to hot. Then in February we generally have a hard freeze, two years ago we had snow. I blame global warming. Climate change is just something that happens periodically. 

I am finally getting the hang of growing peppers in pots. Last year/winter, I brought the plants inside. I don’t think I will do that again. If the plants die from the cold that is just something I will have to live with. But maybe I can creat a bronchi (bonsai chili), look it up. 

There is part of me that only wants to write about things I can control, somewhat. Then there is a part of me that wants to talk about politics, mostly because it is cheap entertainment. That said I don’t see everything as political. I see everything as religious.   

2 September 2022….peppers/chilis

So this is my own opinion, but I think I might be right. 

In portugese, black pepper is called “pimenta do reino” , “pepper of the kingdom.” Chili peppers are called “pimentas”. 

Now here is my theory. Chili peppers became the pepper corns of poor people. Black pepper/pimenta do reino was the spice of the rich, especially the king and royalty. 

After chilis were discover in the Americas, poor classes of people could have spice in their food. It wasn’t real pepper, but it was close enough. 

So black pepper was the “real” royal pepper, chilis were a cheep alternative to black pepper.  

I was watching a show about chilis. Then I speak a little bit of Portuguese. I made the connection. Interesting. 

1 September 2022……ugh

So I am really not happy about groceries. I am easily paying 1.5 times more. Yes , I am married now. Yes, she has a son. Still she cooks for us and I have a lot less prepared food and pizza. Still I am paying a lot more. LGB. 

All the restaurants I go to are so much more than they were. LGB. 

Gas prices are coming down just in time for the November elections. LGB. 

The country is in a perpetual state of Let’s Go Brandon. 

Still there are good things. 

The Supreme Court has said States and individual citatezns are more than powerful than the Federal government.  

My peppers and trees are growing like gangbusters right now. 

The appointments for immigration or medical and dental stuff have been pretty good. 

So overall if you think the federal government is doing well, I truly question your thought process. 

If you can grow plants right now until November or December, because the weather is beautiful, why aren’t you. I would say medical school or law school are the only acceptable answers. 

I’m getting the impression, I’m on one right now 

27 July 2022….oh baby

So we were going to a special dinner for my son. He graduated from high school two years ago. But since most people thought the world was going to end we didn’t do anything. Well we decided to do something finally. We drove from my house to down town San Antonio. There the car started sputtering and would not go at more than a snails pace. We talked to one police officer tried to call a couple of places then I just called a tow truck. 

It was almost closing time. The dealership couldn’t take. The tow company couldn’t store it. So it came back to my house. 

I hate the long weekends sometimes. It still got done, a week later. 

I really am glad I didn’t need to get a new car. But I thought that maybe I would not get a new car. Life might be better without a car. 

I tried calling the repair shop, four times. I finally got through. Apparently I had been calling the wrong number. The repair shop sent a tow truck. Now I have a vehicle that runs. 

To much stuff this month. 

21 May 2022……hmmm

So my children and I made pizza last night. It was fun. I just think thy skimped a little in some toppings. We will go heavier on the toppings next week. 

I am so tired of most people, myself included, think most news is real. Fox, MSNBC, CNN, Reuter, Atlantic, Federalist, etc. It is all cheap cheesy entertainment. I am pretty sure I prefer more expensive entertainment like Amazon prime or Hulu. 

I will admit most things on the news are sensational. Every once in a while you get something worthwhile. Like Denzel Washington once said, if you don’t watch the news you are not informed. If you do watch the news you’re misinformed. I choose not to be informed. Most of the time. You can get more reliable news watching Game of Thrones or maybe the new season of The Orville. 

Personally, I really enjoy MASH. It started before I was born. It ended when I was in fourth grade. It is still better than almost everything. 

I have been thinking a lot. Dangerous I know. Still, this is my little parable or whatever about life. 

Personally I hate videos games. It might be something about how I was brought up. I know, and have known, many people that like video games. I do understand that some good can possibly come from video games. I still don’t like them. I can see better ways to spend your time. 

That said even though I don’t like video games, I like people who play them. 

I don’t have to like video games to like you. In fact if I ever do meet a new person, it is most likely, not because of a video game. 

Bottom line. I can like you and still not like the video games you like. 

19 May 2022……homemade pizza tonight

 So I went to the VA hospital for my teeth. They needed to be checked out. They did not fall out yet. 

I have to say I hate some things at the VA. 

I have to say thank you to all the people that like the look of me with no beard. Sorry to disappoint some people. I’m growing my beard back. I went outside with my children and wife. I sunburned my face. Beards do not allow that to happen. I was talking to someone at church. He was saying his wife insists he have a beard because if he has a little bit of stubble she gets razor burn. A beard does not let that happen. So I love the fact that people think I look good shaven. That said most people will not ever have to kiss me, and no one will have to endure the sunburn I did. 

Plus it is so much cleaner. So much warmer. I have no life threatening reason to shave every day. I do not need to keep a shaven face so I can maintain a good seal on a gas mask. 

Speaking of masks 😷, I honestly wonder why anyone wants to wear one anymore. It seems pointless. If you want to wear a mask you can. Still I think that for the mask is a sign of deeper issues. 

The other big part of my life are my plants. My lemon tree is going to be loaded. My peppers are going to be loaded. We, my children and I, bought an avocado tree. Grandpa Larry always wanted one. This one is our memorial tree for Grandpa Larry. I love having the plants. I just might have to wait to plant anything new. 

I have lemon, palm/coconut, citronella, 4 types of peppers, a maple tree, catnip, chives, and now an avocado. 

My children and I want to plant to many things right now. 

Lastly, I love my wife so much. She works tirelessly everyday to help make things better for us. Sometimes I wish she would just slowdown and take a nap. She is not feeling the best recently.  Still she keeps going and going. She seems to have more energy than my children. Still my children are not as young as they used to be. I don’t know how my wife has so much energy to do what she does. I get tired just watching her most of the time. But she helps me with so much. Having options to eat is wonderful. So much better than hot pockets everyday. When I’ve been by myself that is one of the easiest things I can make by myself. Plus she helps me in countless other ways. 

Last minute insert. I hate some things about the VA transportation so much. I have been thinking of calling them. But I have decided I am just going to let it go. I hate having to deal with it. I have better things I can do with my life. 

17 April 2022…Happy Easter

This week has been more eventful than I like. 

My step father died the other day. Me and my wife and children have been feeling really yucky, so we didn’t go to Utah for the funeral. They did a zoom broadcast. That was nice of them. It was a very nice service. 

After some other business, we went to “grandpa Larry’s” favorite restaurant Jack in the Box. That was an adventure. The sign said they we open. Nope. So we went through the drive though. Eventually we got home ate our food and remembered events we loved with “Grandpa Larry”. One of the best times we have had for a long time. 

Side note while we were eating the elders/missionaries stopped by. Apparently they didn’t know where I live. And the fact I shaved my beard threw them of. They saw that I had The Family a Proclamation to the World hanging on the wall. Then they figured out we are members of the same church as them. Then I said I just shaved my beard off. Then we recognized each other. Fun night. 

I guess people have figured out I shaved my beard. I hate it. I can’t wait until I have some fur on my face again. Without facial hare it’s cold it hurts it’s uncomfortable. I do not like it at all. I will post the video of my children helping to shave me on another post. 

So I guess this past week was also the anniversary of when I had my stroke. I had several posts on Facebook show up that people have made 9 years ago. Some are still Facebook friends. Some decided to unfriend me. Honestly I don’t understand unfriending someone. If you don’t like something me or anyone says, Ignore it. But some people can’t handle the constant reminder that someone exists. I have had very unpleasant moments.  Moments are just that moments. I had to turn off all the posts of a couple people. Still, life goes on. But I am curious about what I may have posted that upset someone so much that they felt they had to unfriend me.  I’m just me. A person. I have a type of brain damage. Still I’m not to big of a deal in the large world. That said, I’m the grand scheme, everyone is a big deal. 

Then my wonderful wife has been making Easter treats for everyone. She is amazing. To bad she can’t eat hot peppers I grow. She is marvelous in countless other things. Not being able to eat hot peppers is nothing. 

4 April 2022…..we are getting closer to First Contact Day.

I have found and been reminded recently, that anger is a very effective way to get physical things done. 

It helped me in the past, when I was a pilot, still I decided then that I could not hold on to the anger I had. 

Then I had a stroke. For a while I had no idea why I was in the hospital and why I couldn’t move me body. Then I wanted to get better so I got angry. It help me improve but at some point I lost the anger I had. 

Just this morning I was angry again. I wanted to write and get all of my anger of different things out of my system. 

A few hours have gone by. I have no desire to be angry. I think it can handle not being angry. That said I miss the rush of desire to write and create in other ways.

One other thing I decided to do is shave my mustache. I still have my beard. I am sure I do not like having a naked upper lip. 

I ask my wife to leave her hair curly. Her hair is gorgeous and naturally curly. She doesn’t like it so she wants to straighten it most of the time. Her choice. She is a big girl. Still she doesn’t like my beard. Still, after shaving my mustache my face is freezing. I am willing to live with her straight hair if it means my face wont freeze. I had to have a shaved face for years. 

One other thing about me. My beard is so curly it seems to grow very little. If I use my heat brush it helps it look a little bit longer. 

Slightly related is the fact that shaving is messy. I got hair all over the counter and the rest of my beard and body. Then the razor needs cleaning. That is not easy for me. After I took a shower to get all of the little hairs off. 

Sorry everyone. Shaving is for suckers.

14 March 2022…..some catch-up.

I have been writing sporadically the past few weeks   So here is some of what I wrote. 

 

In case you haven’t heard. I got married. Immigration has been a very long process with all the coronavirus nonsense. Anyway she is here now. Now we have even more work to get done. 

She doesn’t want to take a photo right now. 

A few days ago. 

I just got off the phone with VA transportation. I had an appointment and since I don’t drive I called to make an appointment for the transportation department to come and pick me up. 

The lady, and I use that word loosely, was constantly commenting, and talking back to me about requests I made. I want them to be here an hour and a half before my appointment so I know they will get me on-time for my appointment. I ask them to call me the night before so that I know someone is coming to pick me up. I have had people show up for appointments that never existed, and I have had drivers that showed up so late there was no chance I would make it to my appointment. Later, when I needed to go home, I waited around for over an hour to get picked up. Then I didn’t get home for another hour and a half. More recently, I waited over an hour to get picked up after my appointment. After another half hour I was finally picked up. 

I loved The Va transportation when I first started with the VA. It worked wonderful for me then. 

The past three years or so it has been one problem after another. The last time I made a complaint, I was told that because I was the only veteran that made a complaint, it therefore didn’t happen. 

The VA does many things good, but transportation is not one of the things it does well. 

One thing I love is groceries delivered to you. I have been trying to use as much of my food as I can. I have to look in the panty and freezer and see what is possible. Then just make sure I can just get mostly the things I need so some things can get used up. I’ve encountered some fun combinations. Who would have thought pesto would be a great condiment for sandwiches and burgers. Other things are a fail. Sauerkraut with cut up hotdogs and bologna not as good as I thought it would be. But, you take the good with the bad. 

But I have my groceries coming. Then I can use up some more stuff. 

I have started growing my pepper seeds, and it is time to put them outside. 

It got so cold in February I had to bring my pepper plants inside. I left my tomato on the porch were it would have some cover. It still froze. 😐I think my priority is my pepper plants. 

I have been getting out of my wheelchair and crawling. It is not the easiest and it can sure make me tired. I mean tired for days. Still, I need to do more of it. 

I am so glad Christmas is over. It’s fun. I enjoy it. But I’m still glad it is over until next year. 

There are a few things I really want to do still. I have to wait from one month to the next to do something. Still I guess it helps learn patience. Growing my pepper plants have helped me learn patience. Just the past few weeks they will start growing buds. Then it will get to cold I guess and the blossoms are gone the next week and there is no fruits. 

There is so much my children and I want to do. I am just not sure the best way to go about most of it. The main thing is maybe getting a house, at least an apartment with a bigger kitchen. I’ve been thinking maybe I can rearrange some furniture. 

So I am at the VA today. I have a very low opinion of many things with the VA. Some things are wonderful. 

I have to deal with transportation for the VA because I don’t drive. I had one gentleman gaslight me. He said several things were one way. I know that is not the way it is. Then I was on the phone with another lady who explained that it works the way I was accustomed to. Then I spoke with a third gentleman, about transportation, he was the most rude person that I have had the displeasure to speak with. 

I have tried calling once a week. I don’t want to be to big of a pest but I think I will need to do something different. 

I want to start working out. For me that involves just getting out of my wheelchair and crawling on the floor. I have some goals for myself. For right now that’s all I want to say. 

I am so flabbergasted that people don’t think Joe Biden is the worst President in the history of the United States. Let’s count just a few of the things he has helped do. 

First the boarder. I live in a state that boarders with Mexico. There are lots of communities that are fed up. One town/city elected the first Republican mayor in years. I don’t mind Democrat or Republican at some local levels. The differences don’t mean much. But it does definitely mean something in some places. 

Afghanistan 

All I can say is a debacle. 

Inflation 

Well if you ask the government to print money, essentially at will, prices go up. If people are paid to stay home companies have to offer more money to get people to work, eventually prices go up. And the money you are “earning” is what you always wanted, but worth less than what you made before. 

Spiking Gas prices

If you are paying the same for gasoline as you were a year ago, you are lucky. 

These are just a few of the possible metrics that could be used to gage the trajectory of the last year. 

Let’s go Brandon. 

If you like the President I question your sanity. 

If he and his people were able to do something with my situation at the VA I might not have such a low opinion. 

 

I’m so annoyed at the way I have been acting. Part of it is probably because of stroke. Part is probably other stuff. I’ve said it before. Don’t have a stroke, it’s not as much fun as I make it look

5 February 2022….it’s warning up.

 I am so spaced out some days. I went to the bank partly to cash a check. I remembered the other stuff and forgot to cash the check. I guess I will be going back to the bank to cash the check I forgot. Oh hell. 

I want to do almost anything but write and post about politics. The thing is, it is a subject that hardly anyone can do anything about. It is low hanging fruit. Almost everyone has an opinion they can’t do anything about. 

That being said. Let’s go Brandon. 

The other thing is Donald Trump needs to find someone else to endorse, other than himself. He was great when he wasn’t a politician. His four years has proven he went from being a businessman to some new breed of politician. Still if he were to be the fourty-seventh president it would be nothing but an improvement over the last year. 

Still local city and school board elections are more important. 

I have been watching shows on the history channel about the Templar Knights. So after the infamous Friday the 13th, when the king of France and the pope had the order mostly destroyed. But according to what I have been watching, the few knights that remained survived in Spain for longer, then ultimately helped set up the nation of Portugal. The name Portugal derived, so the say, is port of the grail. Then the Portuguese were a great sea fairing nation and helped open up the world so everything became easier to obtain. 

I haven’t seen how the group that was the Templars became the Freemasons and set up the United States, but I am sure intending to watch that show as soon as it comes out. 

All I know for sure is that most of the “facts” most people are taught in school are highly questionable. One easily disputable “fact” is that Columbus “discovered” America. Why where there people already here? How many others “ discovered” it before Columbus arrived. Well the American Indians were here. They have discovered Viking settlements for sure. How far south did the Viking make it? Virginia? Florida? Arkansas? Tennesse?

The Olmec civilization. They made some pretty fancy rocks. 

One thing I have learned recently is that most modern Americans and many other people don’t like anything that challenges their status quo. 

For example, I saw a show that Davy Crockett may not have been killed at the Alamo. It was a highly speculative idea, but, because Crockett and Santa Ana were both Freemasons some how they figured this out and then Crockett lived out the rest of his days quietly in Alabama. There are even documents he may have signed to support the claim. 

My point. most people can’t agree on things that happened about a year ago, take January 6th for example. Others can’t decide if a man is a male. We live in a ridiculously stupid time. 

Honestly, I know I was born. Someday I will die. I hope I will have been good enough for some people to want to cry. Sometimes. Then people can get on with the business of living. Cars still need to be washed.  Bread doesn’t bake itself. Budgets don’t balance themselves.  If you are crying all the time then it would be hard to do anything.

18 January 2022…..oh good grief

So, I went to the ER Sunday because I felt like crap. 

They could not find any thing wrong with me. Basically, I was told you feel like crap because you had a stroke 9 years ago.

The ER is for Emergent problems.   

I guess it has been 9 years ago since the stroke. I was 39 years old at the time. I’m 48 now. By the odds I should be dead. But if I was dead I could not annoy some people for just being alive.  What a ride it’s been. 

I still can’t do 99% of the things I would like. That is a lot. 

I finally paid off my car. So I was thinking I am rich. 

No. 

I just have access to the money I was paying towards my car. 

So after I get my credit cards paid off I will finally be able to save some money. 

I normally pay of my credit cards every month. I had a few unexpected events so I wasn’t able to pay everything off this month. Still I was able to pay more than the minimum payment. 

There is so much my children and I want to do. I am just not sure the best way to go about most of it. The main thing is maybe getting a house, at least an apartment with a bigger kitchen. I’ve been thinking maybe I can rearrange some furniture

13 January 2022….free at last

I am so upset with the VA. 

 I have been trying to call for months. I was calling and sending electronic messages. I was upset. In some ways I still am. I call the directors office. And I send a message to the patient advocate office. 

Then I got a call a couple hours later. By the end of the conversation he let me know that since I was the only veteran that made any complaint, I am therefore the only one it happened to. I know for a fact that I am not the only one. I would dare say lots of other veterans are content with mediocrity. 

I want to find some kind of device that will allow me to record my interactions there at the VA. Some things that happen there are very good and I can’t sing enough praise. Then there are moments that are so bad, like this time I want to cry. 

But to end on a slightly more pleasant note, I got my car all paid off. 

The dealership that I got it at will not be getting anymore of my business. I had a loan ready to go with my credit union. Then after I told them the interest rate my credit union had given me I thought they were going to try and beat it, so I went with the dealership. 

Fast forward and I look at the interest rate for the loan.  I was getting raped on the interest rate. 24%. I have had lots of crap to deal with on my credit score thanks to things on my credit score. Divorce will do that to you. 

 Right at that moment I decided to pay it off as soon as I could. 

Well, it is paid off now. I think I will try to be less dumb in the future.

7 January 2022….guess it’s my day

So it’s my birthday. 

I think I will make it the anniversary of my beard as well. I started in November two years ago, but I have trimmed it a couple of times, so January would be a good time to celebrate it now. Two years old. 

At this rate it will take me at least five more years before I have a beard like Dumbeldore (read Harry Potter if you don’t know who Dumbeldore is.) But he was over 100 in the books, I think. 

It is honestly so much easier to care for a beard than shaving everyday. I was a missionary, at about age 20, I didn’t have a beard. I wish I hadn’t shaved since that time. But I did have that whole army thing in between the time I served my mission and a few years ago when I had the stroke. 

I always used to think that a beard would be so hot in the summer. It’s not. It is wonderful insulation from the hot of the summer and the cold of the winter. 

I have just had to say beardruff, the dandruff from your beard, can be horrible if you don’t drink enough water. For a short time I was not drinking enough water. That made it look like my beard was constantly snowing. I tried to figure out the problem. Stay hydrated my friend. 

I stay hydrated, but I also deep clean my face. If you shave you are basically giving yourself a type of facial every time the hair gets cut off. I don’t shave so I basically power wash my face every day I shower, which is basically everyday. I don’t wash my beard with soap every day, that dries your beard hair and is no fun. Itchy. I do clean it. I get it wet and comb it when I am in the shower. It is amazing how much hair can come out sometimes. The combing helps with the exfoliating also. You let the teeth of the comb ever so slightly drag across the skin of your face. I will wash with shampoo twice a week. Baby shampoo seems to work the best. I do have other stuff that works well. I like baby shampoo the best, and I’m worth it. My beard is only two after all. 

I love having a beard. It is so much nicer than having a naked shaven face. At night when I had a shaven face, it felt like it was going to freeze. I  don’t feel like that now. 

I will admit there are people out there, I say people because some people say women can do anything a man can do. Bull. A man can’t do everything a woman can do. If a woman wants to make less of herself by trying to be like a man, so be it. The bearded lady, like in the Greatest Showman, are few and far between. Sex and gender are not two totally different things. Man equals male. Woman equals female. Neither is better than the other. Both are equally important. But back to the point. I love having a beard. Everyone that can grow one should. 

Now one thing about a beard is the KIND of hair it is. Most people start growing a beard of some kind during puberty. So basically a beard is pubic hair. So is leg hair and arm hair. Anything that is not the hair on your head is pubic hair. We have it start during puberty and we may get more throughout or lives. 

My ultimate goal, if I have one, is to be able to get my beard into a ponytail. Braiding it might be fun. Maybe Christmas ornaments at Christmas time.